This Week in the Mercury

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Happy 4/20, You Stupid Pot Heads!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Apr 20, 2010 at 11:43 AM

I don't talk about it much because I live in Portland Oregon, but I KINDA DESPISE POT HEADS. Why? Here's why:

1) Pot makes you really smelly. Like the ass of a skunk raised on goat's milk.
2) I like to hang around with people who are smarter than me, because it makes me smarter. Pot smokers tend to get less smart, and are too distracted by the backs of their hands.
3) While pot has the potential to "loosen up" potential sex partners, it also has the potential to send their vaginas and penises to the land of nod.
4) A "friend" of mine once slipped me a pot brownie on Thanksgiving and I missed the entire meal because I was hallucinating cats with beaver tails swinging from the ceiling. The friend would only refer to himself as "Squirrel." Fucking pot head.

Anyway, while I don't like pot, and I don't like it when you smoke pot around me, I don't give a rat's ass if you smoke pot while maintaining a safe and lengthy distance. So if you're smoking pot today, here's something that you'll probably enjoy. It does not contain cats with beaver tails, but it is "Totally Rad" and will freak the shit directly out of your ass. (RATED SLIGHTLY NSFW-ISH for momentary animated diagrams of oral sex, and Charles Barkley playing basketball with Godzilla.)


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