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Thursday, April 29, 2010

A Commando Reboot? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Thu, Apr 29, 2010 at 1:15 PM

First things first: SPEAKERS ON. MAXIMUM VOLUME. LET'S DO THIS.

Know why that's the greatest YouTube of all time? 'Cause it's based off of the greatest movie of all time, 1985's Commando, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as professional ass-kicker John Matrix and Alyssa Milano as his adorable daughter, Jenny Matrix.

Shit yes they are.
  • Shit yes they are.

So, you ready for your day to get shit on? Okay, here: Deadline (via AICN) is reporting that "20th Century Fox is going Commando again, setting David Ayer to write and direct a reboot of the 1985 film that became one of the building blocks that transformed Arnold Schwarzenegger from bodybuilder to superstar." They add that the star of the new film will be "less brawny, but more skilled in covert tactics and weaponry."

Fuck you. My anger knows no bounds. EVERYONE knows that the only way to do a Commando sequel is to do it with Schwarzenegger and Milano, picking up 25 years after the original. John and Jenny still live in the woods, where they feed deer and chop wood and practice kung fu and laugh and laugh and laugh and make breakfast and occasionally go out for ice cream, and Rae Dawn Chong comes by for occasional visits. UNTIL, that is, some bad dudes come and kidnap Rae Dawn Chong—meaning John and Jenny have to team up to get her back! Which means killing a lot of people! A good title for this would be Commando 2: Commandos.

I guarantee you that the above paragraph is 10 times better than whatever Fox will actually make as a reboot. ANGER. SEETHING.

Man. There's only one thing I can watch right now that'll make me feel better.

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