I saw Exit Through the Gift Shop over the weekend, a new documentary from the British street artist Banksy that purports to be a sort of biopic about the filmmaker-turned-terrible-artist Thierry Guetta, AKA Mr. Brainwash. The movie is entertaining as hell, though New York Magazine put things into perspective with the headline "Is Banksy's Mr. Brainwash an Art World Borat?" That artists exist whose only talent is in generating hype around their work is not a particularly provocative thought, nor is it surprising that hordes of LA art fans went nuts for Brainwash's work, which the Stranger's Jen Graves likens to "if Warhol threw up, and then Damien Hirst threw up on top of that, and then the throwup threw up." Banksy allows Brainwash to refract all the ridiculous, commercialized, and hype-driven elements of the contemporary art world—the only question that remains is whether or not Brainwash is in on the joke. I hope that he is, because it's funnier that way, but even that just brings us back to Borat, with a dash of that one Murphy Brown episode where her kid's finger painting sells for hundreds at an art gallery. The best things about the movie are Banksy himself, the footage of street artists at work, and interviews with artists including the incredibly articulate Shepard Fairey. But I think other people have seen it and had their minds totally blown, so please do tell why if that describes you.
Anyway, NileGuide has a great post up chronicling the city-by-city reactions to the appearance of Banksy's art in North America over the past few weeks, which have ranged from indifference to pride.
In other artsy news, Igloo Gallery recently announced that they will be closing doors at the end of the month. From the press release: "After assessing the role of the gallery, the potential development of it, and motivation to expand the curatorial mission, we have decided that Igloo will close in order to pursue alternative curatorial practices." Their final show, Pop Coochie, has an opening reception this Thursday and will be viewable by appointment for the rest of June.
As you have undoubtedly heard, our 10th birthday party is coming up on Saturday (you should totally come, guys!) and we're getting all introspective here at the Merc. It has also come to our attention that long, long ago, written in the days before LOL cats and Ye Olde Blogtown, there exists a wide spectrum of Mercury stories that are incredibly hard to find in our dusty HTML archives. Case in point: the trials and tribulations of Jerry Masterson, everyone's favorite little eight-year-old.
It all started with:
When we last saw Jerry Masterson in the spring of 2004, he'd suffered substantial blood loss from a fourth grade tetherball battle royale. Read about his storied history here. PLUS! It's looking like Jerry might make a return in this week's paper....
Brought to you by the Mercury archives, where funny still lives.
It's official: You have nothing better to do on this rainy ass Memorial Day than stay inside and learn the hottest dance craze sweeping the globe, THE SURRA DE BUNDA! (By the way, though there's no nudity here, this video is NSFW—but since you're not at work, why do you give a flying handshake? C'mon everybody! Let's do THE SURRA DE BUNDA! On each others' face!)
The NYT reports on the Catholic Church's efforts to keep out the gays and the kiddie rapists:
Every job interview has its awkward moments, but in recent years, the standard interview for men seeking a life in the Roman Catholic priesthood has made the awkward moment a requirement. “When was the last time you had sex?” all candidates for the seminary are asked. (The preferred answer: not for three years or more.) “What kind of sexual experiences have you had?” is another common question. “Do you like pornography?”Depending on the replies, and the results of standardized psychological tests, the interview may proceed into deeper waters: “Do you like children?”
A pedophile of average intelligence—a pedophile of below-average intelligence—would know not to answer that question too affirmatively.
Sorry, Catholic Church, but until you stop self-selecting for sexually damaged and/or stunted and/or dysfunctional men—until the Catholic Church ceases to be a haven for men fleeing their problematic and/or criminal sexual interests—you're going to continue to attract freaks and weirdos, kiddie rapists and scumbags, closet cases and other moral bankrupts. Stacking job interviews with trick questions—"What's your favorite color? What time is Suite Life of Zac and Cody on? Ever fucked a kid?"—isn't going to keep 'em out. But you could crowd 'em out by ordaining women and allowing priests.
If there was one thing the developers of Shaq Fu forgot when they decided to shoehorn the NBA's most notable behemoth into a 16-bit fighting game, it was almost certainly the homoeroticism. Where were the sweaty man hugs? The thinly veiled allusions to oral sex? The "combat" that any other workplace would view as sexual harassment?
Luckily, the overwhelming popularity of the UFC has given O'Neal a second chance to show off his fisticuff-cum-dude-gropin' skills. Have a look:
I don't want to offend any of the rabid UFC fans (who are no doubt already typing out long screeds claiming I "just don't understand the technical mastery" blah blah blah), so instead I will attempt to be positive about the sport.
Here goes:
Guys, that was totally fucking hot, right? Did you see that one dude almost kiss that other dude? I've got like, six boners.
Um, did I do it right?
As reported yesterday, the "Top Kill" didn't exactly kill the gulf oil leak, and now, the heat's not only on for BP, but the Obama administration as well.
Israeli forces storm a ship carrying aid to Palestinians in Gaza, killing nine.
Meanwhile Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu says the armed commandos who stormed the aid ship were "under attack" and "acted in self defense." UH-HUH.
The mom of an Indonesia toddler who smokes can't seem to make him quit, saying, "Well, I don't want to give him cigarettes, but what I am I supposed to do? I am confused." Wow. That is a conundrum.
"Celine Dion pregnant again at last — with twins." NOOOOOOOO!!!!
Guillermo Del Toro is no longer directing the two movies based on "The Hobbit." Nerds of the world: NOOOOOOOOO!!!
Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Rain, showery, rain, showery, rain, showery, rain.
And finally, if you would like the popularity of Twilight explained to you in hilarious, animated fashion... well, here you go!

A new Scott Pilgrim trailer just hit the internet! They were holding out until the Facebook fan page reached 100,000 fans before releasing it, which apparently happened at about 1:50 am Monday morning (some of us are still awake, tweeting about Breaking Bad and cats who hump teddy bears. Y'all know who you are). It looks fantastic, and true to the books in the best possible way, with the obvious exception of the grossly miscast Michael Cera. (I'm sorry if we're friends and you've heard me say this 100 times already, but—Cera has built a career on being socially crippled by his own self-awareness. Scott is the most oblivious character ever. This. Does. Not. Work.) But otherwise... Yay! I'm on Team Kim Pine, BTW, and still waiting for my t-shirt... Oni.
The top kill failed.
They're trying another containment dome in 4-7 days. It will probably fail. We might be looking at another two months of 12-20,000 barrels a day.
Surprise! Processed food tastes like "warmed-over" shit without all the salt they pump into it.
A storm in Central America kills at least 16.
An aid flotilla is en route to blockaded Gaza under Israeli scrutiny. Here: compare Israeli and Arab news reports.
Admiral Mike Mullen—a supporter of repealing Don't Ask, Don't Tell—says further review is needed before we commit to having the gayest army ever enlisted.
Nuclear fish? Just another ordinary day in the Connecticut River.
LOCAL NEWS! The Oregonian finds a New Seasons co-founder up to the overalls in shit.
Turns out that Doitchin Krasev—a.k.a. master chess player with a Jersey accent—a.k.a. "Jason Evers"—just wanted to seek freedom in the U.S. You know, build a better life (with the name of a dead 3-year-old). If it's a crime to pursue the American dream? Guilty as charged.
And now:

Given the Timbers’ winless run of matches this May, making the most of one’s opportunities and having it go your way against one of the most celebrated soccer clubs in the world is a pretty good thing. The Timbers pulled off 3-2 upset win tonight against Buenos Aires’ legendary Boca Juniors at PGE Park in front of a rollicking 14,106 happy fans.
More recap and more pics after the jump . . .
ABC News reports on the health-endangering possibilities of 'Sack Tapping'—A Schoolyard Game Turned Ugly::

Gone are the days when bullies merely gave wedgies. The newest fad in schoolyard violence? A quick slap to the testicles. In the game of "sack tapping" or "ball tapping," as it is called, a boy will try to slap or flick the groin of another boy to inflict discomfort or pain.The "game" has gotten out of hand, however, according to Dr. Scott Wheeler, a pediatric urologist in Minnesota. In recent years he's seen an increasing number of young boys coming in with serious damage to the testicles because of a "tap" that hit too hard. "For some reason, [this game] is popular," Wheeler says. "It's not just bullies, it's kids doing it to their friends. It's rare that bullies target the testicles, they just beat up people."....In some cases, trauma sustained by sack tapping can be severe enough to rupture a testicle, an injury that can require surgery or even the amputation of the testicle, says Wheeler.
Read the rest of the piece—which covers everything from the appeal of "Playing 'Chicken' of the Groin" to "The Psychology of the Sack Tap"—here.
As Angela mentioned this morning in GMN, actor/director Dennis Hopper passed away today at his home in Venice, CA at the age of 74, after a year long struggle with cancer. Though best remembered as an iconic figure of the '60s counter-culture (particularly for his role in Easy Rider), his most memorable part—for me anyway—will always be Frank Booth from David Lynch's Blue Velvet Every time I watch this scene, I can't help but say, "HOLY SHIT. That's amazing stuff."
Though Mr. Hopper will be sorely missed, at least I know what I'll be for Halloween this year. God speed, you magnificent bastard.
(What's your fave Hopper role? Let us know in the comments below!)

'QUATCH—Gas up that ride and head to the Gorge for the only music festival worth a five-hour trek into Eastern Washington—Sasquatch! The lineup is the strongest it has ever been, with sets from Pavement, the National, Dirty Projectors, Patton Oswalt, and tons more. EAC
Gorge Amphitheater, 754 Silica Rd NW, George, WA, Sat May 29-Mon May 31, sold out, all agesLOUDMOUTH—Punk rock superhero Henry Rollins has found time (in between solving world hunger and getting everyone to play nice with the gays) to come do his smart-person talky thing. Hopefully he'll share some workout tips. JV
Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 8 pm, $25, all agesGONDRY!—One of the most original filmmakers working today, Michel Gondry appears at the Hollywood Theatre to show off his latest flick, The Thorn in the Heart. Thorn is Gondry's semi-autobiographical portrait of his family—factor in a Q&A with Gondry, and you've got this week's must-see film event. EH
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7:30 pm ($15, Q&A w/Gondry), 9:45 pm ($8, no Q&A)
So very busy. My, What a Busy Week!
A $10 million criminal investigation of BP by feds has begun. And it seems like BP may have hired some people to act like workers for Obama's visit to the coast yesterday.
The Malawi President has pardoned the gay couple that was jailed for 14 months, after pressure was put on the country by aid givers.
The U.S. military is exploring options for a unilateral strike in Pakistan, after the Times Square bombing was traced back to tribal areas of the country.
The House passed a toned-down $90 million jobs bill last night, so now everyone will have jobs, and should vote for Democrats in November. K guys?
In other national news, a trend has emerged of boys hitting each other in the balls and posting video of it on the internet.
Dennis Hopper died of cancer.
Oregon high schools are producing more nerdy girls than ever.
Homeowners who put solar panels on their house will be paid premium rates for the power they generate, thanks to a new Oregon plan.
The Christian Science Monitor is the best newspaper ever because of this slideshow.
And we should watch the skies for... Iron Baby!
Have a good weekend, folks. Check out the Rose Festival, if that's your thing—I went on the swings and it was glorious.
In this edition of Saturday Morning Cartoon, we explore a particularly weird subset of the long-running Scooby-Doo franchise known as The New Scooby-Doo Movies—hour long episodes which debuted in 1972, and would co-star "very special guest stars" every week. Guests would famously include Don Knotts, the Harlem Globetrotters, Batman and Robin, and... Sandy Duncan? Sure, why not? Anyway, what follows is part one of possibly the most offensive episode of the series called "Scooby-Doo and the Haunted Candy Factory" with special guest star Mama Cass Elliot formerly of The Mamas & the Papas who is famous for this song and for allegedly choking to death on a ham sandwich (a rumor which was later debunked, and thankfully is not featured in this episode).
Unsurprisingly, in this episode, Mama Cass owns a candy factory (because she's FAT) that's haunted by walking/flying mucus monsters. How many times can the Scooby gang mention Mama Cass' name, and make jokes about her being FAT? You may be surprised by the answer in part one of "Scooby-Doo and the Haunted Candy Factory."
Got a suggestion for Saturday Morning Cartoon? Force feed me!
Memorial Day Weekend is 'sposed to be about remembering our country's fallen soldiers, but since Portland is a land of oft-naked anarchist pinko liberal commies, I figured you'd all rather remember how awesome Nintendo games used to be (well, again, I mean) via the magic of stop motion video, construction paper, candy bits (Gobstoppers maybe?) and a seemingly out of place iPhone.
Courtesy the video's creator, YouTube user bornforthis43, here's a description of the piece for those who just don't have three minutes and four seconds to actually watch it, but would hate to feel left out in case someone brings it up at a party this weekend:
This video took approximately 120+ hours to make, which is pretty much my entire classic rock playlist. About 7000+ pictures were taken. Games in order are Kirby's Adventure, Contra, The Legend of Zelda, Metroid, Mega Man 2, and Super Mario Bros.
Unsurprisingly, I dug the retro 8-bit music in the clip, and was pleasantly surprised when the Samus App went into Screw Attack mode, but I have one question: Is Mega Man firing Percocet at Flash Man?
Get equipped with narcotic analgesic?
Memorial Day Weekend: cookouts, American flags, beginning of summer, sale sale sales! . . . soccer.
The Portland Timbers go into this all-American weekend of barbeques and burgers with nary a victory to show for their May 2010 campaign. The forwards keep hitting the post, the midfield has been uneven at best, and the defense have had an alarming propensity to feel generous to the opposition—especially late in games. In short, the team is out of whack.

What better way to celebrate a patriotic American weekend than with a game of soccer? Tickets start at $19.
More soccer bits after the jump . . .

TIGHT KNIT—The sun-dappled folk-pop of Vetiver just made an appearance on the new Graham Nash tribute album Be Yourself, and Andy Cabic & Co. make a welcome return to town as they amble their way along the West Coast. NL
w/Citay, Michael Hurley; Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, $13-15ROSE FEST—Portland a little "too weird" for your taste? Get a hefty dose of straight-up Americana with the annual Rose Festival, which kicks off tonight. Visit and thrill to a startling array of carnival rides and elephant ears, as well as the opening night ceremonies featuring (BOOM!) fireworks. WSH
Tom McCall Waterfront Park, SW Naito & Stark, carnival 5 pm-close, fireworks 9:45 pm, FREE
Welcome to your weekend. My, What a Busy Week!
If you wore Ed Hardy and saw this, you'd have to stop, right? (Features Nick Kroll and Brody Stevens, who recently performed at the Bridgetown Comedy Festival.)
Have you heard of YeÅŸilçam, the Turkish Hollywood? For three decades from the '50s to the '70s YeÅŸilçam was thriving, producing relatively big-budget films made locally for a Turkish audience. Then, in the '80s television became more prevalent, the rise of the VCR changed distributors' priorities and things looked bad for Turkey's homegrown cinema. By the '90s YeÅŸilçam was releasing just two or three films a year before YeÅŸilçam revitalized in the early '00s. I "know" all of this because I've been "researching" Badi, a Turkish E.T. rip-off from a particularly fallow year of Turkish cinema, 1983. How could such a thing be produced? Why?

I'm discovering that those questions are actually moot because someone did produce Badi and, with 20/20 hindsight, Badi would be a waaaay cooler alien pet than E.T. was. For one thing, when Badi is threatened he ejaculates smoke. Why not?!
Warning: the volume on some of these clips is unnecessarily loud.
More reasons after the jump!

A cyclist tested the limit of Portland's nudity laws last year when he cycled in his birthday suit down Alberta. That cyclist was arrested but eventually let off.
Vilhauer wasn't so lucky across the river. Three days after riding with 5,000 people through the streets of Portland in the 2009 World Naked Bike Ride, Vilahuer and about 20 friends took to the streets of Vancouver, WA, for a bar crawl by bike.
Vilhauer says he and a Vancouver friend were drinking in one of the bars at around 10 PM when the naked bike ride came up. Vilhauer says his friend didn't believe so many people would be up for biking naked, so Vilhauer proved a point by taking off his clothes, finishing his drink naked and then riding about a mile and a half around Vancouver before the cops caught up to him. According the Vilhauer and his lawyer, he was cuffed naked, put in the cop car naked and even registered into the jail naked, despite having his clothes in his messenger bag.
"The arresting officer did not allow me to put my clothes on," says Vilhauer. "They brought me into the jail, took my into a concrete room with a glass window and got my name."
A report from the trial in The Columbian points out that Vilhauer wasn't the only one naked, nor the first to shed his duds:
Adriane Ackerman, a self-employed small business consultant, said Vilhauer wasn’t the only cyclist who took off his clothes in Vancouver. She said she knows for certain she was topless, but couldn’t recall whether she wore pants.Defense attorney Luka Vitasovic keys in on that defense for explaining why Vilhauer wasn't indecently exposing himself. "Five thousand people engaged in this behavior, it’s not like it’s a fringe thing," says Vitasovic. "How would be know that getting naked this time would have this kind of reaction?"“We do naked bike riding a lot in Portland in the summer, so it’s hard to remember,” Ackerman said.
One member of the jury disagreed, however: the group split after four hours of deliberation with one holdout in favor of finding Vilhauer guilty. That means Naked Cyclist Defense Team will head back to court in July.
Portland Public Schools (PPS) Superintendent Carole Smith wants to close down the three small schools operating at the Marshall campus in outer Southeast, and use some of the space for a tiny magnet school.
That has Lents residents and the school community up in arms: they say that if PPS doesn't want to put in the money and effort to give Marshall a comprehensive curriculum, they should hand the school over to David Douglas school district, which is in charge of educating far-east Portland.

After authorizing a study earlier this week to see if that transfer would be feasible, Lents Neighborhood Association Chairman Nick Christiansen explained, "If PPS is willing to give up on the outer eastside, we need to look into what options exist to provide the educational foundation for a successful community."

"I've seen this neighborhood blossom," said Kay Del Marshall, a 1965 alumna. "I got a comprehensive education. Don't take that away from our neighborhood."
Parent Brad McFeters called on PPS to act: "We urge you to negotiate with David Douglas. We want to stay here."
While Smith has proposed a space-sharing agreement with David Douglas at Marshall, it doesn't sound like she's open to a complete handover at this point.
"We consider this to be our community," says Smith. "We want to continue serving it well. So that's the conversation, and I think we can end up with something cool."
David Douglas currently runs one high school—and with 3,000 students, it's the most crowded in the state. David Douglas spokesman Dan McHugh says it's too early to know if they'd be amenable to a switch. "If somebody ever came to us with a specific proposal our board would be open to listening," he says.
The Portland School Board votes June 21 on a more modest proposal to share some of the space with David Douglas.

The question now is this: If PBR becomes an even more popular national beer brand, will it still maintain its vaunted place on tap lists across PDX, Austin, and Williamsburg? If not, what kind of horse-piss will take its place?
Make you best guess!
The rain will never end. I've given up. I've made my peace with the cruel God who made me replace the sun with a cheap, sad lightbulb that claims to shine in my bedroom with the same light spectrum as that damned foreign star.
But as the drizzle continues, I'm remembering that 62 years ago this week there was a REAL flood, a flood that wiped out homes of nearly 40,000 Portlanders, most of them black. OPB has interviews with survivors of the Vanport Flood and the City Archives has awesome pictures from the days after the flood.
Okay, then... ZOOS.
As always, defend your answer in the comments.


Gone fetal worrying about the dearth of condo owning gentrification news in the wake of Matt Davis' vacating Portland? Shaking a fist at the sky and shouting "UNJUST I SAY UNJUST" while popping lorazepams like candy? You are not alone, my friends. I, too, have been in a funk since Matt's departure but I might just have a solution to our depressing predicament.
I have recently moved from San Francisco (yay!) to the suburbs (OMG BOO) and finally downtown to a LEED certified building so smug in its smugness the elevators are powered by EFFING WINDMILLS. The building has 24 floors and I'm on one of the upper tiers. What I am saying is I can actually see your house from here. And I know what you're doing. And stop it because it's really freaking me out.
So, in lieu of leaving the house to do actual reporting (new media is all about aggregation anyway) I've given myself the "gentrification beat." If I can see it from my windows and it's vaguely newsworthy and/or gentrify-y I will know! And I could tell someone about it! Maybe even on Blogtown or the Twitters or at a bar! I am just spit balling here! There are no bad ideas! This is a safe space!
The point is I can see stuff from up here and it might be interesting. Mostly I like looking down on all of Portland. But you knew that already.
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