This Week in the Mercury


Tuesday, May 4, 2010

May Fourth Be with You.

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Tue, May 4, 2010 at 10:11 AM

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Apparently it's Star Wars Day, because (A) nerds love puns and (B) don't have anything better to do. I'll roll with it, but only because for me, every day is Star Wars day. (No, really. Yesterday I wore this t-shirt.)

The best thing about Star Wars Day is because it's a bullshit holiday—like Festivus, Life Day, and "Arbor Day"—I can make up whatever arbitrary decrees heartwarming traditions for it that I want. TRADITION ONE: Just as I use "Arbor Day" as a flimsy excuse to cut down as many trees as I damn well please, I will hereby use "Star Wars Day" as a flimsy excuse to buy myself one totally awesome and incredibly overpriced Star Wars toy high-end collectible. And I'm asking for your help to do so, Blogtown denizens. Check out the options below, then jump in the comments with your opinions about how I should best waste my money.

OPTION ONE: STAR WARS: THE FORCE UNLEASHED DARTH VADER MINI BUST ($59.99)

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Wielding a brilliant red Lightsaber, Vader is cast in high quality polystone, then detail painted to exacting standards. This limited edition is hand numbered and accompanied by a matching certificate of authenticity.

No, I don't know what "polystone" is either. Plastic maybe? Moving on!

OPTION TWO: STAR WARS DELUXE AT-AT VEHICLE ($108.99)

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Measuring over two-feet-tall and over two-feet-long, this huge AT-AT is sure to be the must-have Star Wars toy this season! Modeled after the Imperial Walkers from The Empire Strikes Back, the head of the vehicle alone can carry tons of figures. The multi-level body has room for even more troopers, plus the articulated legs, firing cannons, and other surprising features are going to blow away the Rebel forces on Hoth!

I'm pretty sure this thing is bigger than my studio apartment. Moving on!

OPTION THREE: STAR WARS JABBA'S PALACE BOOKEND STATUE ($249.99)

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Based on Jabba the Hutt's palace, this heavy set of high-quality polystone bookends depicts Princess Leia Organa's valiant attempt to save Han Solo, who hangs frozen in carbonite in a corner alcove of Jabba's trophy room. To her left, and soon to surprise the princess, stands feared bounty hunter Boba Fett and a ruthless gammorean guard, while a taxidermy head of a tauntaun looks on.

Polystone again? What is this miraculous material used to form nerdery supplies?

OPTION FOUR: STAR WARS LEGO ULTIMATE COLLECTOR'S MILLENNIUM FALCON ($374.98)

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This is it—the biggest, most spectacular Lego Star Wars model ever! Straight out of the classic Star Wars movies comes the Ultimate Collector's Millennium Falcon, Han Solo's famous smuggling starship. Every detail of the modified Corellian Engineering Corporation YT-1300 freighter is here, all constructed to scale with Lego minifigures. At almost 3 feet (90cm) long, it's the ultimate centerpiece to any Star Wars collection!

That Lego set contains "over 5,000 pieces," so not only would my girlfriend come over to find me building a three-foot-long Lego spaceship in my apartment, she'd also have to find a way to walk around said apartment barefoot while avoiding literally thousands of sharp plastic cubes. So that wouldn't cause any relationship problems at all.

Have at, friends. Also, please don't shout "OPTION FIVE: GIVE ME YOUR LUNCH MONEY, NERD." Ezra's already shouted that at me several times this morning. I told you already man, my mom doesn't even give it to me anymore. She sends it directly to the lunch lady because this exact thing kept happening.

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