I recently took a tumble that involved a staircase and a complete lack of grace which resulted in a "severe sprain" on both sides of my ankle, a space boot/cast thing, crutches and some much needed Percocet. YES!

I generally avoid prescription drugs, instead opting for whatever hippie bullshit DIY remedies I can find on WebMD (because it's cheaper, not because my body is my temple), but today I am chasing the dragon on coffee and Percocet and feeling exactly like this:

I LIKE MY STUFF!

I predict sobbing and awkward confessions within the hour.