This Week in the Mercury


Monday, May 24, 2010

The Greatest News Story Ever Written

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, May 24, 2010 at 2:02 PM

MELBOURNE, Fla. — A Brevard County doctor dressed up in a Captain America outfit was arrested with a burrito in his tights.

And that's just the title and the first fucking line. It gets better. It gets sooooo much better.


On Saturday night, when a costume party full of medical professionals stopped at On Tap Cafe, police said Adamcik had a burrito stuffed below the waistband of his costume and was asking women if they want to touch it. When one refused, he allegedly took out the burrito and groped her.

The woman called police and, when they arrived, the officers wrote in their report "there were so many cartoon characters in the bar at the time, all Captain America's were asked to go outside for a possible identification."

Is that a burrito in your pocket, o esta feliz que verme?
  • Is that a burrito in your pocket, o esta feliz que verme?

Thank you Film Drunk. Thank you "news." And thank you, America.

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