This Week in the Mercury

All-Ages Action!


All-Ages Action!

This Week in All-Ages Music

Still Living with Everclear's Ghost


Still Living with Everclear's Ghost

Portland's Biggest Band of the '90s Sparkled Before the Fade

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Savage Love Letter o' the Day: Damn you, "Feelings"!

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, May 25, 2010 at 11:53 AM

I am a 25 year old female from upstate NY and well... I have kind of gotten myself into a messy little situation and I just don't know what I should do. Here's the 411:

About a year ago I started seeing this older man (he's 38) who was very direct and honest about the fact that he was in an open relationship. So time goes on and we spend a few nights a week together, which initially started off as mere "play dates" if you will, but now- we're best friends. He's the one I go to when I have a problem or need someone to talk to and viscera. He leans on me whenever he needs to and we are there for each other.

Now this is the problem... I've started to fall in love with him *Slams head on desk*. I feel horrible. I have met his girlfriend and I genuinely love and respect her. I don't want to hurt her in any way. So should I just wash my hands of this whole mess? Walk away? Or should I risk telling him how I'm feeling? I'm a modern girl with very modern, open views on relationships- I don't know if a polyandrous sort of situation is an option here or if that would even work. What should I do?

Getting In Deep

My response after the jump...

Talk it over with him, GIP, and see what he says. He may be in an open relationship, and you may have known that going in, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to have feelings. Feelings in general, feeling for him in particular. If he's mature and stable and his open relationship is honest and secure, your affections for him shouldn't come as a threat or a surprise.

Relax. You're having feelings—modern, potentially poly feelings. That's totally understandable. The question is... what now? If romantic entanglements violate his agreement/understanding with his primary partner—the woman you don't want to hurt in any way—then you'll have to end this. Not for his sake, GIP, and not for hers, but for your own.

Comments (3)

Showing 1-3 of 3


Comments are closed.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy