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Calling Detective Jerkhole!



Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Jun 2, 2010 at 9:16 AM

Today in BP fuck-ups: While trying to cap the spewing well, the operation ground to a halt when a saw blade got stuck. GAHHHH!!! (BTW, Obama will be on Larry King Live on Thursday night to discuss BP's continuing fuck-ups.)

In a surprising move (and I'm being sarcastic here), Sarah Palin is using the gulf oil spill to further her own idiotic evil career.

Facing a poop-ton of heat from the international community, Israel begins to expel the activists they captured from a flotilla of ships protesting the blockade of Gaza.

A former suspect in the JonBenet Ramsey murder case is now accused of "living as a woman and trying to form a cult of little girls to have sex with him." Wait... WHAAAAAT?

Steve Jobs at D8: The iPad has single-handedly saved journalism. THANK YOU, STEVE JOBS! OH, GOD!! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!!

Cigarettes made in America top the world in cancer-causing ingredients. USA! USA! (kaff... kaff) USA!

Glee actress Jane Lynch married her same-sex gal pal in a Memorial Day service in Massachusetts. (I wonder what Sue Sylvester would say?)

Patrick Stewart (AKA Cap'n Jean Luc Picard) has been KNIGHTED, ya'll! So that's "SIR" Jean Luc Picard to you.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: A soaky day, with a showery end to the work week. BUT! The weather will be perfecto for the Mercury Birthday Party this Saturday at Rotture!

And finally, if you want to see a preview of some of the dance moves I'll be busting out at this Saturday's party, check out this audition video from Australian "dance academy graduate" Nigel Ficke, who I will be emulating down to the last hip gyration. (You might want to put on protective eyewear for this one.)

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