So I saw Get Him to the Greek last night, and I liked it. It was funny, totally worth the $11, but...

1. It's nearly impossible to jam a floppy jelly dildo up the ass of an unwilling "victim"—particularly when that victim is on his back, outweighs his "rapist" by at least 150 pounds, and isn't restrained. I'm concerned that straight teenage boys are going to see Greek and leave with the impression that a dildo can go from brandished to embedded in two seconds flat. If they weren't terrified of buttsex before Get Him to the Greek, they're going to be terrified after. None of them will ever sleep on their stomachs again.

2. Get Him to the Greek spends an awful lot time rooting around in Jonah Hill's anal cavity. These assaults are important points of his character's journey, and he's a better man after, and I suppose there's a positive message in there about buttplay in there somewhere—it won't kill you, it won't make you gay—but... Get Him to the Greek spends an awful lot of time rooting around in Jonah Hill's anal cavity.

3. The film is supposed to be edgy and daring. And it is... about drug use. (Heroin is portrayed as very nearly benign.) But the filmmakers were careful to toe Hollywood's boring, reflexive, sex-negative line when it comes to threeways. In mainstream films threeways are always disasters. Without fail cinematic threeways are initiated for the wrong reasons (revenge in Greek's case), someone's feelings are inevitably hurt during (Hill's), and all involved are filled with self-loathing and regret after (quick—burn the sheets, pillowcases, and mattress!). Has no one in Hollywood ever had or heard of a successful threeway?

4. Best portrayal of cunnilingus in a mainstream film since Bruce Willis ate pussy in Pulp Fiction. But you would think a daring, edgy film could risk showing a man eating pussy without a blanket pulled over his head.