The good news—
For one day this summer, the Portland Bridge Festival "will transform the center lanes of the Hawthorne Bridge into a public green space fit for a picnic of thousands." It looks awesome.

The bad news— Thanks to BikePortland, I am now aware that this product actually exists:

The worst news— This Upright Citizen's Bridge video about BP spilling a cup of coffee is funny because it's true. Too true.