This Week in the Mercury


Friday, June 11, 2010

The Greatest Pizza Menu of All Time

Posted by Ned Lannamann on Fri, Jun 11, 2010 at 11:03 AM

Like some others in NE and SE Portland, I woke up this morning to this on my doorstep:

lonesomesmenu.jpg

Turns out Lonesome's Pizza has quite the array of pies to choose from—and they've come up with some of the greatest pizza names of all time. Just a few examples:
1. Lee Majors vs. a barracuda with a bowie knife $19
Marinara, fresh mozzarella, and basil leaves, drizzled with extra virgin olive oil.
6. Burt Reynolds & the girl that stole my cd collection vs. a pride of badgers $21
Marinara, mozzarella, spicy salami, and hot banana peppers finished with fried shallot.
7. Eric Estrada vs. a Komodo dragon $21
Crispy Prosciutto, fresh scallion, marinara, and mozzarella
14. Lando Calrissian vs. that tank from Tienanmen Square $23
Our homemade alfredo sauce with mozzarella, chicken, and broccoli
There's a bunch more on their website, which I strongly urge visiting. I also encourage you to click on the links for each pizza name. (My Dad vs. Your Dad is especially rewarding.) Here's what they have to say about the names:
Every month or so, we’re going to change the names of the pizzas, for the hell of it. So that it doesn’t get too confusing, you can always order with the corresponding number of the pizza, on the far left of the description, that wont ever change.
This month we’ve decided to imagine fights that would be too awesome to actually happen in the world, as everybody’s ass would get kicked in the run-off of ass whooping that would inevitably find it’s way into the water table...
Also, go to our blog and let us know for who you think would win and why. Free pizza to whoever does the best with it.
Awesome. I'm sold. There are just a couple things, though: Nowhere on the menu or website does it give Lonesome's address. If it's delivery-only, that's fine, but I'd like to have some idea where my pizza is being made (although they say they deliver to all of inner East Portland). Also, the website gives this cryptic info: "When you open your personal pie you’re going to see something really, really stupid. We come up with these ideas while drinking."

We have been warned.

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