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Monday, June 14, 2010

TV Blood Bone-Nation: Bad Blood

Posted by Dave Bow on Mon, Jun 14, 2010 at 3:43 PM

I love campy bullshit. For my money, there's no better campy bullshit than True Blood. Unlike my complicated relationship with Glee, I'm all about Alan Ball's vampiric Southern soap opera and I expect anyone who has followed the show into its third season feels similarly. True Blood is nothing if not consistent in what it serves up.

true-blood-s3-poster-large.jpg

That's why I'm creating a space like Steve's Lost discussion groups where anyone else who's following the goings-on in Bon Temps can chat about the latest juicy developments without bothering people who don't care about sexy vampires. I don't have HBO so I'll be watching Monday mornings via perfectly legitimate internet sources and posting 'round noon. I know the internet is all about immediacy, but the internet doesn't pay my cable bill.

One rule: NO SPOILERS FROM THE BOOKS. I haven't read 'em and I ain't gonna read 'em and I'll be pissed off if someone tells me what's gonna happen. Theories and speculation, though? Let's do it!

That said, let's let the first tardy True Blood discussion group COMMENCE!

And we're back! So much stuff was happening at once I had to spend a lot of time getting reoriented. I know it would make boring TV, but they just killed a maenad! Can't the citizens of Bon Temps have one day without everything going shitballs?

Here's a getting-to-know-you question: are you guys Bill-people or Eric-people? Bill is steady and broody, but Eric (as we saw this episode) is a Nordic fuckmachine.

Sam is obviously on Team Bill. Was anyone else totally surprised by Sam's homorific dream? Who was digging it? Is "I hear the water in Arkansas is very hard" not the worst pick-up line in history?

And while we're talking about naked dudes, does anyone else find all the Austin Powers-style junk-obscuring to be way more distracting than male full frontal? I know HBO has its standards, but we saw all there was to see of Eric's Estonian friend, so why not?

Not Jason, though. His dick is temporarily broken. Even when he is bedding two gorgeous veterinarians at once he can't stop thinking about making scrambled Eggs. Meanwhile his new roomie Hoyt (with a new "bad ass" buzz cut) is all hung up on Jessica, who spent most of this episode playing hide-the-body (less fun and rewarding than hide-the-afikomen).

I always enjoy Hoyt and his big puppy self, as I do Terry, who is more of an adopted puppy from an abusive home. And now he's gonna be a dad?! Bacchanalian sex cults have real life consequences, kids. I'm feeling for Renee's children, too. They already had a serial killer dad and now this!

Is there any characters you didn't miss over the break? Do their names rhyme with Shmara and Shmara's mom? Tara's got two operating modes: prickly/out of control and disbelief at her own euphoria. Now that Eggs is dead we're stuck with the first one while Tara's mom tries to get her God on and her freak on at the same time.

Fuck that, show me some more werewolves and superhot vampire queens stomping on Eric with their stilettos. True Blood, I'm so glad you're back!

Stray notes and quotes
I like how Jason called the veterinarians "college graduettes."
How about Lafayette's sparkly basketball jersey/panama hat combo?
How much pussy overflow is it reasonable to ask your roommate to tolerate?
Why does Tara's mom read Men's Health magazine?
Where can I get a rune-deciphering app for my smartphone?
Bill biting the old lady then hypnotizing her with happy thoughts: heartwarming or spooky?
"Every time I look at you I keep seein' these big ol' bullet holes in your heads" really is the best line to end a three-way with.
Werewolves!

 

Comments (10) RSS

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1
I'm on Team Bill, even though Eric is hotter. Bill is THE MOST polite vampire ever. Did you notice how gentle he was with that scary old hag after he fed off of her? Most vamps would've just drained what little life she had left and taken off without so much as a how do you do.
Side note: When vampires feed on white trash, do they call it junk food? (that sounds like a bazooka joe wrapper, sorry)
Posted by autumn on June 14, 2010 at 4:07 PM · Report
2
And now she's got money and thinks her son visited. Not a bad trade for a little blood.
Posted by Dave Bow on June 14, 2010 at 4:11 PM · Report
3
Werewolves suck, I am pissed off.
Posted by cyoung on June 14, 2010 at 4:13 PM · Report
4
I want to know if Jessica's truck driver friend is going to turn into a vampire.

And the Sam/Bill dream was super awesome, and resulted from all the blood Sam took from Bill, right? lol.
Posted by Angela Webber on June 14, 2010 at 4:17 PM · Report
5
"pussy overflow" was awesome. and i'm glad the maenad nonsense is over with
Posted by MrPDX on June 14, 2010 at 4:23 PM · Report
6
@Angela yeah, I guess. Is that part of the blood thing - that it makes you hot for the vampire you took it from?

@MrPDX I liked the maenad nonsense! What is Tara going to do now!?
Posted by Dave Bow on June 14, 2010 at 4:28 PM · Report
7
Team Eric! Bill is a sad sack. Booo Shmara and Schmara's Mom they are so tedious and useless. Shmara is just always miserable and bitchy.
Posted by Jinx on June 14, 2010 at 4:30 PM · Report
8
I want more PAM! Pam is funny! And HOT!
Posted by RT on June 14, 2010 at 5:31 PM · Report
9
Team Bill. Also on "Team let us see more of Pam's great outfits" and "Team Tara why couldn't you just have kept those suicide pills down". Lafayette, I love you, but let her go man. Her sad-ey/bitch-ey bit is tedious.
Posted by pink dea on June 14, 2010 at 5:51 PM · Report
10
@Dave Bow Yes, remember last season that was explained. It was why Sookie was having sexypants Eric dreams.
Posted by kiala on June 14, 2010 at 7:22 PM · Report

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