I'm sure a lot of you are having trouble concentrating at work right now because of the malicious rumor running around the internet that Justin Bieber has SYPHILIS. Now, I am not Justin Bieber's doctor of genitalia—however, I can say with 80 percent certainty that Justin Bieber is not infected with the sexually transmitted disease that eventually drove George Washington, Napoleon Bonaparte and Franz Schubert to their death. How can I be so certain? Because the following report is so hilariously and poorly written, it simply cannot be true.* Via Viral Socialite...

It has been reported that teenager Justin Bieber has been infected with syphilis after a crazy coke-fueled “intimacy” session with some of his best female fans. Justin reportedly did not use a condom and, apart from contracting an STD, runs the risk of having impregnated several different girls which is a headache in itself.

Bieber, who was diagnosed with Syphilis by one of the best doctors in the country, tried to keep the secret to himself and reportedly bribed Chris Johnson to keep it quiet. But the story has got out regardless. Johnson told others about Bieber’s syphilis condition despite being bribed.

At this point, the details of this story are extremely sketchy and we’re still waiting for further reports.

*Besides… if it were true, my brains would be splattered all over my office wall/Bieber Believer poster right now.