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Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Halo ... In Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!

Posted by Earnest "Nex" Cavalli on Tue, Jul 6, 2010 at 8:28 AM

When Halo: Reach hits retail shelves this September it will be the sixth game in Microsoft's Bungie-crafted flagship series.

It must be difficult to keep churning out passable stories for these kinds of derivative, if fan-friendly shooters, so like Ireland's greatest hero*, it's time for Master Chief to take his war against the superiority of mouselook Covenant into spaaaaaaaaaace!

Aside from giving me an opportunity to reference a film that actively hurts the reputation of Ireland's greatest breakfast cereal**, John-117's orbital trip seems a bit dull based on Gametrailers' new clip.

Full details and a boring video below. Click on Christian soldier!

I really hope Bungie is withholding some incredibly entertaining gameplay mechanic that will totally blow our collective minds when Reach arrives, because, as is, that looks roughly on par with 1999's Star Wars: Rogue Squadron.

Tl;Dr? Translation: That video was boring as shit.

Dark Void had a hell of a lot more entertaining airborne combat and you people almost completely ignored it, so while Reach will sell millions of copies just 'cuz it has the world's most profitable H-word in its title***, I can't envision the goldfish-level attention span of the average Halo fan seeing this bland, masturbatory spaceship combat as anything other than a chore to grind through on the way to capping more aliens on terra firma.

* - But only because Oscar Wilde never went to The Hood.
** - But only because Wilde Berry Grape-Nuts don't contain any Wilde (or, even more bizarrely, any grapes).
*** - But only because "Hungry Hungry Oscar Wildes" is trademark me, circa 20 minutes ago.

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