At long last, Obama signs the sweeping financial reform legislation into law. We'll never be cheated by big business again, guys!!

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton gets a wee bit tougher on North Korea.

The Agriculture Secretary who fired black civil servant Shirley Sherrod for alleged racial bias is now reconsidering his decision—coincidentally after getting a little talking to from Obama. WEIRD! (Now Sherrod is playing hard to get.)

Six Afghan cops have been beheaded by the Taliban.

Lindsay Lohan is only expected to actually serve two weeks of her 90-day sentence—much to the dismay of local lesbian prison gangs.

A New York police officer has been charged with hitting a bicyclist with his cruiser... and driving off without helping? (On the upside, he did hand the cyclist "a tissue.")

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Freezing now, 80 later. WTF?? (Brace for a hot weekend.)

And finally, what happens when Mel Gibson calls the Old Spice Guy? HILARITY, HILARITY, HILARITY!