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Thursday, August 19, 2010

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Thu, Aug 19, 2010 at 9:25 AM

Because it's breakfast-time, check your Frigidaire. Like, RIGHT EFFING NOW. Millions of salmonella-tainted eggs have been unleashed on an unsuspecting American populace. But you're probably OK if you shop at Fred Meyer.

Help wanted. No, seriously, somebody please. Claims for unemployment benefits climb to their highest point in nine months. Me: Hi, Economy! Economy: Sputter, sputter, clang, clang, wheeze

So the war is over, but maybe not the shooting. A "small" cadre of 50,000 soldiers will stick around Iraq now that combat troops have left. Oh, and so will private mercenary armies funded by our tax dollars. And that's gone well.

You wanted a Skinwich? Too bad! Reports of a new KFC sandwich made from a sumptuous five—five!—layers of chicken skin, piled high with American cheese and bacon, are apparently false.

Neptune is a putz. And here's why. It was also harder to find than Uranus.

Your daily dose of abject cruelty: Bull and bullshit.

But here's another folk-hero flight attendant to make you feel better. Unless you think Southwest's Beverly McCurley was out of line. There's some debate after McCurley snatched a 13-month-old baby from her mama, after the woman smacked the crying child.

Facebook Places! Taking you places you've never been or taking people to places you don't want them to go. Like your apartment.

Affordable housing
is scarce enough in this town. The developer behind the New Columbia project and the Building Blocks effort goes bust.

Eight shootings, 24 hours: It's like a tour of Portland, but with bullets.

Finally, your newest "American Idol" judge:

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