Hello Jersey Shore fans! It's t-shirt time!

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What follows beneath the jump is either an anonymous letter someone left for you or this week's Jersey Shore wrap up. Let's find out which!

Oh careless fate! Oh cruel treachery! How could you tear apart a bond sealed in the wax of Aphrodite? How could you then reseal it with a glue stick and repeat the process ad infinitum for an hour? Yes, just like the title of this episode implies, Sammi and Ronnie are broken up. Then they're back together. Then they're broken up. Then I attempt to garrote myself with a rolled Ed Hardy shirt and shut out the endless stream of stupidity.

Everyone in the house is tired of Sam and Ronnie. I'm tired of Sam and Ronnie. America is tired of Sam and Ronnie. Even fucking Sam and Ronnie are tired of Sam and Ronnie. Why then - why? - do they insist on repeating their masochistic cycle? It's not funny! I came here to laugh at these circus clowns, not be reminded of the deeply unhealthy relationships I grew out of in high school.

I'm gonna go out on a short limb and say that we can all agree that Sam is getting mistreated. We feel bad for Sam; Ronnie is a self-centered, unfeeling pussyhound. I'm gonna step back from that limb and say I know we can all agree that Sammi, overgrown child that she is, invites the abuse upon herself through a lack of self-esteem, misguided mothering instincts and every other ingredient it takes to make heartbreak stew. In short, these people both suck. They don't deserve what they get from each other but they bring it upon themselves. As Ronnie so wisely put it, if the horse is dead then you gotta leave it alone.

What else happened in this episode? Not too fucking much. Snooki's amazing gorilla juicehead, Emilio, called to tell her he'd fucked another girl in what might have been a terrible joke (question mark?). It doesn't matter. Like Sammi, Snooki obviously appreciates the security of having a boyfriend in the wings but she's already made it clear that she's still snookin' for that special someone to smoosh with.

Everything else was peripheral this episode, which was a bummer. Angelina is tagging along wherever she can like an eager to please but emotionally unstable puppy. The Situation is looking more and more like an unlikely voice of reason and virtue. Jwoww and Snook nearly crumple under pressure from an increasingly self-deluding Sammi who wants to be told what she should damn well know: is my cokehead boyfriend cheating on me? This last problem will be rectified next episode in a typically middle school fashion via an anonymous letter describing how Ronnie motorboated a waitress's breasts ("We say 'tits' not 'breasts', so she won't even know it's from us," Snooki explains). Failing that, Snooki and Jenny will fold up fortune tellers/cootie catchers where every answer is "Ronnie is a cheater" and hope for the best.

Stray notes and quotes

How about Snooki's Japanese-person impression at Moshi Moshi?

I think it's adorable that they all have family dinners together.

Everyone seemed to know what it meant to "play a bowl of questions". Have you guys heard of that before? Is it capitalized, like "We're going to play A Bowl of Questions"? Is it standard for girls to dress as slutty as they can when playing A Bowl of Questions?

I loved how Angelina ended up looking classless next to Snooki and Jenny in her garbage bag dress with her ass hanging out. That's a distinction one has to work for.

Jwoww's a fucking attack dog! If someone ever wronged me I would want her on my team, no question.

Those girls really empowered themselves by smashing the ultimate symbol of male wrongheadedness: the dinner plate.

Best moment of the episode: Angelina triumphantly farting in Snooki's face and thus cementing their friendship.

Second best: Sammi incredulously asking herself the rhetorical question, which boy in the house would she allow to take a dump on her chest. (Psst, I know the answer)

Vinny gets double-snaps for calling out Angelina's garbage bag dress:
"I think Victoria should've kept this one a secret." and "It looks like you're wearing your luggage from last year."

"I'm in Miami. I don't want girls studying for finals; I want girls studying for dick." Know your priorities, Vinny.

Emilio: "There's half-naked girls everywhere! Peace!"