What's up, vampurs? It's True Blood discussion time!

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Sookie's a fairy? I'd like to say I called that last week but I think that would be extremely generous. I'd like to make a checklist of all the mythical creatures True Blood hasn't used yet. Guess: Terry is a secret leprechaun and Andy Bellefleur is a giant who hasn't grown yet. It's a little hard to picture a fairy/vampire war without the vampires coming out on top, isn't it?

This was an especially talky, soapy episode of True Blood. I thought at least Russell would pump a little life into it, but besides killing a rentboy/Talbot surrogate even he was taking a breather this week. No, it was less action and more revelations this time out.

First, Crystal is a CGI jaguar. Now you know.

Second, Rene is the father of Arlene's baby. Terry proves once and for all that he would be the best daddy in the world. Seriously, did nobody else's heart break a little bit during that romantic scene by the dumpsters? (<- first time that question has ever been asked?). Arlene still wants the baby gone, though, and she's turning to that waitress who's name I don't remember for Wiccan help. Good idea!

Third, Sam used to be a jewelry thief! And he killed people before. This explains a lot. Does it make Sam cool? You tell me. I've always been a Sam apologist, but I understand people's arguments that he's kind of a wet blanket. I was all like, "See, Sam used to be a badass!" then he immediately got punked. I guess that's more fitting.

Fourth, Hoyt (Bear) and Jessica love each other! Fiiiiiiiiiiinally, the cutest couple in Bon Temps can stop jerking each other around. I may miss Summer a little, though. And her dolls.

Last and maybe least, Jason killed Eggs. Wahhhhhhhhhhhhatever.

The fallout from Russell's stunt was not as monumental as I figured it would be. Eric's sensing the sword of Damocles hanging over him and he's getting out of Dodge. Not before he kisses Sookie, though! That's been a long time coming but Sook undercuts it pretty well. Why shouldn't she trust Bill? I don't really care, dude. Sookie and Bill couldn't even stay apart for a whole episode; I don't think their relationship is in any danger (similarly, Eric is too much of a fan-favorite to have his neck really on the line. He'll be fine).

Vampire hate crimes are on the rise, though. Arlene and Tara are both feeling the rage and Bill finds an all-purpose burning cross on his lawn. It's coming to a head, dudes. Only a couple of episodes left.

Stray notes and quotes

"I'm a fairy? How fucking lame." - Sookie beats internet message boards to the punch.

I refuse to call fairies "fae". Let's not dress this up, people.

Tommy is such a sleazy little twerp! He is like a dog that's been abused. At least we now know Hoyt can rabbit punch a motherfucker when he needs to.

I didn't talk about Jesus and Lafayette's magical trip! What did you guys make of True Blood going all Easy Rider. It really just made me want to do V.

The alter is dancing!

"Them fuckers is a whole new dimension of trash."

"You got something for nosiness and bad boundaries?" Snap, Sam Merlotte!

"Blah blah vampire emergency blah."