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Friday, September 17, 2010

Gran Turismo 5 Creator Wastes More Money, Sony Maintains Brave Smile

Posted by Earnest "Nex" Cavalli on Fri, Sep 17, 2010 at 10:03 AM

I cant think of a good caption, so Ill just say that Dragon Quest IX is fantastic. If you own a DS, do yourself a favor and pick up a copy as soon as you can.
  • SCEA/Polyphony Digital
  • I can't think of a good caption, so I'll just say that Dragon Quest IX is fantastic. If you own a DS, do yourself a favor and pick up a copy as soon as you can.

How long have we been waiting for Gran Turismo 5? Nearly six years.

That's nearly six years of Sony telling gamers "Yeah, it'll be here soon. We promise. I know we sorta lied about that last time, but we're totes serious this time guys! Totes!"

The game is slated to hit store shelves on November 2nd, but anyone still waiting with bated breath turned blue and suffocated in late 2007.

Word of Gran Turismo developer Polyphony Digital's inability to do anything in a timely manner isn't actually news, but what should be pointed out at every opportunity is the sort of totally useless bullshit the developer is up to while Sony hands them comically oversized bags with dollar signs printed on the sides and waits patiently for the company's next ridiculously realistic driving simulation.

Hit the jump for the latest example (and, very likely, comments from angry Sony fanboys and girls demanding my head).

Today, at the ongoing Tokyo Games Show, Sony announced a partnership between Polyphony Digital and Red Bull with the goal of creating "a virtual car which will push the boundaries of motorsports." Unsurprisingly, the car will appear in GT5 once it hits shelves.

The video included on the website is spiffy looking, portraying the car as something akin to the Batmobile if Bruce Wayne lost his fortune and was forced to become a corporate whore to continue his war on crime.

Now, I will say it's quite likely that Red Bull footed the actual development cost for the car itself as a form of viral marketing (the PlayStation demographic has a marked affection for heart murmurs) but the creation of this car and the promotional stuntwork that went into it — the announcement touts an "official opinion" from Sebastian Vettel, who is apparently some kind of fancy race car guy — took up precious time that could have been better used on something a bit more important, like ironing out whatever ridiculous bugs will no doubt be making the rounds on Youtube moments after the game enters consumer retail space.

I am Batman! (brought to you by Always Pantyliners)
  • SCEA/Polyphony Digital
  • I am Batman! (brought to you by Always Pantyliners)

*Audible sigh*

I think, really, I'm so angry about these sorts of gimmicks because I'm worried about the series (not like a parent worried about their child, or a lover worried about a slutty partner, but more like a dog owner worried about his lovable, but incredibly stupid pet who ran away hours ago and forgot to bring a sweater).

As much as I love Microsoft's Forza games, when it comes to a pure simulation of real driving, nothing can touch the experience of playing Gran Turismo with a quality force feedback wheel. After the last Gran Turismo made my PSP vomit in disgust however, my faith in Polyphony Digital blew right out the window.

I'm half-convinced that these six years of delays have all been a devious way for CEO Kazunori Yamauchi to extort money from Sony before releasing a half-finished PlayStation 3 game and skipping the country to go live in Monaco as the world famous master criminal/race car driver/sexual hypnotist he's always dreamed of being. If you see him twirling a suspiciously sexy mustache come November 1st, don't say I didn't warn you.

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