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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Three Reasons Not to Be a Kid

Posted by Kevin "the Intern" Otzenberger on Wed, Sep 29, 2010 at 4:16 PM

Kids have never had it so hard. If you're a kid in 2010, your life sucks, and here's why:

1.Your girlfriend's dad is scary as hell

A 15-year-old San Jose kid was ultra-cock-blocked last month, when he was handcuffed and intimidated by a police officer for sleeping with the officer's 14-year-old step-daughter. The policeman told the boy's parents he was doing them a favor. Both teens were cited for underage sex and the officer has been put on leave. Also, the whole incident was captured on camera phone. When asked about teen sex, the boy said, "I wouldn't recommend it."

2. School bullies are resorting to biological terrorism

A new survey shows that one in four kids with allergies reports being teased, harassed or bullied because of their condition, and in some cases, physically threatened with the substances to which they are allergic.

“It’s, ‘Oh, I’ve smeared peanut on the water fountain,’ or ‘Ha-ha, you can’t eat this,’” [Dr. Scott H.] Sicherer explained.

"Ha-ha, you can't eat this?" Sick little bastards.

3. Old people aren't putting up with your shit anymore

A 68-year-old Chicago woman decided she'd had enough of the neighborhood hooligans, and when a 12-year-old boy finally broke her living room window, she shot his punk ass. And the law is on her side with this one. Here's a loosely-scripted re-enactment of the incident, starring Charles Bronson.

Growing up is hard.

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