A judge bars a key witness from a terrorism trial because prosecutors found out about him while the defendant was being—ahem—"interrogated" in a secret CIA prison.

Obama to liberals: "Guys! Guys! I know I suck on some things. BUT REPUBLICANS SUPER DUPER SUCK."

That may be true, but let's not forget that the White House blocked worst-case scenario figures about the Gulf Oil Spill that scientists were trying to make public. So that's kinda sucky, too.

The Feds make a huge corruption bust in Puerto Rico, arresting 60 cops.

Europe: Still acting all freaky-deeky over possible terror attacks.

Afghan authorities seize 19 TONS of explosives that had been transferred across the border from Iran. Maybe they were planning a surprise fireworks demonstration?

The Pakistani terrorist who tried to blow up a car bomb in Times Square has been sentenced and warns of "more bloodshed at the hands of Muslims." Dude! That's not helping!

Jay Leno makes a bad sex joke about Christine O'Donnell; a woman's group is outraged and actually surprised?

Today in "whoops": A woman mistakes super glue for eye drops. Whoops.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Perfectly sunny with a high of 75 today—but clouds and a rainy weekend are ahead.

And finally, in really fucked up ads: This Brazilian commercial from Axe Body Spray features their newest product called "Ex Friend"—because a hulking grunting fisherman is going to kill and rape your soon to be ex-friend? HELP!!!!