This Week in the Mercury
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
SEX SL Letter of the Day: Leave It Alone
Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Oct 12, 2010 at 3:03 PM
After breaking up with my boyfriend of six years, we tried to remain friends. During this awkward period, he ended up molesting me twice—once at a concert when he wouldn't stop rubbing his erection against my ass and another time when he thought I was asleep and touched me between my legs. I never addressed this partly because I still felt guilty about cheating on him for a month, thus prompting the break up, and partly because it just seemed like too much to handle at the time. The ex and I haven't talked in almost two years, and that's fine, but now I'm hearing that he's interested in a friend of mine. I'm mildly disturbed because if I concede that his behavior towards me was a deviation, then I'm defending his behavior. If I accept that he only acted that way toward me and he won't hurt anyone else, then it's as if I'm saying I deserved to be molested (and punished) for infidelity. I feel like if I say anything at all, all my friends will think I'm making this up to get back at the ex. While he does make me want to vomit, I don't want to ruin his life, yet I'd feel like such a hypocrite for being against sexual abuse and victim-blaming while knowing my friend is going out with someone who touched me when I didn't want to be touched.Guilty Victim Will Not Be Trusted
My response—very brief and ill-considered—is after the jump.
•••••••••••••••••••
Um... at class, teacher is telling me to close my laptop. So quickly... and feel free to offer better, more considered advice in comments, Blogtownies...
You're a cheater (or you were), he's a creep (or he was). He's also not your responsibility. If you feel obligated to say something to your friend, you go right ahead. But he'll deny it if it gets back to him, GVWNBT, and if your infidelity is public knowledge or if there's evidence—did he save incriminating and/or confessional emails?—it's highly unlikely that you'll be believed.
Okay, gotta close the laptop! You can take it from here, Blogtownies!
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