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Savage Love

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Oct 20, 2010 at 9:34 AM

President Obama is stumping for Kitz today at the Convention Center, which starts at 6 pm. Lines begin 4 pm, and Secret Service will be shutting down traffic in the area starting around 2 pm—which should really help Obama's sinking polls.

In an attempt to free itself from overwhelming debt, Britain is making drastic cuts in services across the board. (But surely guv'nah—you can still spare a tuppence for the birds, wot?)

CAT FIGHT ALERT! After 20 years, the wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas called up Anita Hill—who once accused the justice of sexual harassment—for an APOLOGY.

An investigation shows that at least six shots were fired yesterday inside the Pentagon—but they don't have the slightest idea who the gunman was. Someone crazy is in the Petagon? INCONCEIVABLE!

After being denied an emergency stay to keep Don't Ask, Don't Tell in place, the Obama administration plans to appeal. Let's give him a special BOOOOOOO!!! for that today, okay?

In a desperate bid to "bring back that lovin' feeling," Obama will appear on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

Former President Clinton to the hecklers of the world: "You try to heckle me? You best be bringing a bigger heckle."

Surprise! The Boy Scouts kicks out one of their gay leaders. It's like they have a bottomless pit of settlement money!

In Nevada, the Republicans launch a campaign encouraging Latinos not to vote. ( ....... Okay, I'm speechless.)

Apple is holding another one of their attention-getting press conferences today, entitled, "Back to the Mac." Which I assume isn't this Mac.

A NEW ALBUM FROM JUSTIN BIEBER! A NEW ALBUM FROM JUSTIN BIEBER! A NEW ALBUM FROM JUSTIN BIEBER! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Enjoy a sunny 72 degrees today, because by Friday the rain and the lower temps commence.

And finally, here's the very funny "literal version" of Smashing Pumpkins' "1979." LITERALLY.


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