Indonesia gets an unwelcome three-way as a tsunami, an earthquake and a volcano erupt at the same time, killing hundreds and displacing thousands.

Obama will be grasping for straws (read: voters) when he appears tonight on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

Osama bin Laden is (allegedly) at it again, and this time he's threatening France! (Who's next? Newfoundland?)

The Rand Paul supporter who viciously attacked a MoveOn.org protester wants HER to apologize to HIM. Yep, that about sums up the entire Tea Party right there.

Storms that slammed the midwest are moving into the deep South today. ("MAW! Git me my dadblamed squirrel rifle!" As you can see, I rarely pass up any opportunity to imitate Snuffy Smith.)

Apple says it will delay it's "white" iPhone until Spring! (How much more bad news can the KKK withstand?)

Not that anyone should worry or anything, but the government just wanted you to know there was a slight loss of control of 50 of our nuclear missiles over the weekend, but it's all fixed and LOOK! OVER THERE! Hot pictures of Olivia Munn!

Charlie Sheen is out of the hospital after trashing his hotel room in alleged "coke-fueled rampage" yesterday. Maybe we should send him a "get-well hooker"?

Conan O'Brien wants his masturbating bear back, NBC! And he's begging you to SUE HIM over it! (Guys, c'mon! You're tearing the masturbating bear apart!!)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Nice and 56 today, with light showers throughout the weekend... including HALLOWEEN? This is going to wreak havoc with my crepe paper Mary Todd Lincoln costume!!

And finally, speaking of "creepy," "Conan," and "Halloween costumes"—here's Conan's creepy Halloween costume.