Straight men needed us for the first 2.3-million-or-so years that the genus, er, homo has been around. But now that we're not living in caves, well...

"Homosexuality is bad thing. It used to be useful when we were cavemen and we needed people to guard the caves full of women and children. If I’m a guy out hunting, I want to leave someone back at the cave tending to my wife and kids, and I don’t want a normal guy having that kind of access to my wife and kids. So, in our evolution, you can see that there use to be a utility for homosexuality, but that was when we were cavemen and we aren’t cavemen anymore."

So it looks like we're going to be phased out—how would that work exactly?—unless we can find a way to make ourselves "useful" to National Organization of Marriage supporters like Randy Crawford here. Any ideas?