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Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Righteous Star Trek Nerd Outrage: I Demand a Correction to the Correction!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Wed, Nov 3, 2010 at 4:58 PM

REALLY? THIS? You asshats at FoxNews for Australians are calling this a "correction"? Because, um, hello: Corrections aren't supposed to MAKE EVEN MORE MISTAKES AND PERPETUATE FURTHER GROSS DISTORTIONS OF IMPORTANT THINGS...

Like Star Trek.

So, yeah, maybe you GOT TOLD—after wrecking what could have been a VERY EXCITING ARTICLE—that Captain Kirk didn't command nearly every ship named Enterprise. And you make good on that. But your bullshit apology, in which you foolishly attempt to demonstrate your passing familiarity with Memory Alpha (Beta is for HATERS, yo!), has totally only made things worse. Maybe it's because you people down there flush your toilets backward. I don't know.

So, ahem, allow me to correct the record. Keep reading.

Error No. 1:

It has since been brought to our attention that the NNC-1701-E in fact came two models after Captain Kirk retired and was under the command of Captain Jean Luc Picard.

In fact, Captain Kirk retired before the launch of the Enterprise-B. Which makes Enterprise-E three models since he retired. Also, dips, it's NCC.

Error No. 2:

User "Your Mum's Lunch" led the charge of those who correctly pointed out that after losing the original Enterprise to the Klingons, Captain Kirk was given the Excelsior Class Enterprise-B as a stop-gap measure until the refit of the Enterprise-A was completed.

"Your Mum's Lunch" is a toolbox. As I've just noted, Kirk never commanded the Enterprise-B. He did, however, get sucked into the Nexus while attempting to save it from destruction during its shakedown flight. He was given the Enterprise-A, a Constitution-class starship, as his punishment/reward for saving Spock from the Genesis planet and bringing fatass whales into the future to talk a nasty probe out of drinking Earth's skies. DUH! ALSO, CAPTAIN KIRK IS A VERY, VERY COMPLEX CHARACTER.

Error No. 3:

Kirk's last ship was the Ambassador Class Enterprise-C.

Sigh. Kirk was sucked into the Nexus and presumed dead long before this ship was built. And he reappeared in the 24th century long after the Enterprise-C temporarily reappeared in the TNG episode "Yesterday's Enterprise." (Don't fuck with Guinan.)

Error No. 4:

Enterprise-D and Enterprise-E were in fact, the first of the Galaxy Class models and were under the command of Captain Picard.

The Enterprise-E is not a Galaxy-class starship. It's Sovereign-class. IT DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE THE ENTERPRISE-D. OPEN YOUR EYES. NOT EVERY SHIP WITH TWO WARP NACELLES AND A SAUCER IS THE SAME. apologises unreservedly for the error.

Let's hope so. And, next time, spell with a Z.

(Yes, I'm perfectly aware they may have made all these mistakes on purpose. Just to bait me. Jerks.)

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