The FDA revealed 36 new warnings they want proudly displayed on every pack of cigarettes to really drive home the fact that "hey, smoking isn't good for you!" Here are three:

Guys, you forgot the picture where a smoker is being hacked apart by a serial killer.

Slimmed down automaker GM posts $2 billion in profits. Thanks, Jenny Craig!

Meanwhile Obama goes to South Korea to attend the G-20 summit in an attempt to help stabilize the world's financial clusterfuck.

An Ohio woman has been sentenced to 18 years to life in prison for murdering her 19-year-old cousin—for ummmm...wearing Daisy Dukes to Easter dinner.

George W. Bush and Kanye West kiss and make up. GROSS!!

The Pentagon on the "mystery missile launch" off the coast of California: "Ladies and gentlemen of the press... we don't know what the fuck happened. No questions, please. Good day."

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Most cloudy today through Friday with more sun on Saturday!

And finally, Cee-lo appears on The Colbert Report to perform "Fuck You"—but has to change the words, obviously. Luckily, Stephen has some suggestions.