According to this story from the Guardian UK, a pod of porpoises conferred and decided NOT to either murder Dick Van Dyke or let him die of his own senile stupidity—even though there was no one around and they could've totally gotten away with it. From the Guardian:
Van Dyke's ordeal began during an ill-fated trip to his local beach. "I woke up out of sight of land," the 84-year-old actor told reporters. "I started paddling with the swells and I started seeing fins swimming around me and I thought 'I'm dead!'"
Van Dyke was wrong. "They turned out to be porpoises," he said. "And they pushed me all the way to shore." The porpoises were unavailable for comment.
So. Put yourself in the porpoises position, and take the following poll:
IF YOU WERE A PORPOISE, AND YOU CAME UPON A SLEEPING DICK VAN DYKE ON A SURFBOARD, AND NO ONE WAS AROUND, WOULD YOU...
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