This Week in the Mercury

Art Walkin': First Friday

Visual Art

Art Walkin': First Friday

Lofty Displays and Bacon Races


Apocalyp-dicks

Film

Apocalyp-dicks

This Is the End: Providing Rapturous Laughs



Thursday, November 11, 2010

Porpoises Confer; Decide Not to Murder Dick Van Dyke

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Nov 11, 2010 at 11:56 AM

Screen_shot_2010-11-11_at_11.36.45_AM.png

According to this story from the Guardian UK, a pod of porpoises conferred and decided NOT to either murder Dick Van Dyke or let him die of his own senile stupidity—even though there was no one around and they could've totally gotten away with it. From the Guardian:

Van Dyke's ordeal began during an ill-fated trip to his local beach. "I woke up out of sight of land," the 84-year-old actor told reporters. "I started paddling with the swells and I started seeing fins swimming around me and I thought 'I'm dead!'"

Van Dyke was wrong. "They turned out to be porpoises," he said. "And they pushed me all the way to shore." The porpoises were unavailable for comment.

So. Put yourself in the porpoises position, and take the following poll:

IF YOU WERE A PORPOISE, AND YOU CAME UPON A SLEEPING DICK VAN DYKE ON A SURFBOARD, AND NO ONE WAS AROUND, WOULD YOU...

Comments (3)

Showing 1-3 of 3

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-3 of 3

Comments are closed.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy