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Friday, November 12, 2010

SL Letter of the Day: Why Don't You Do It In the Road...

Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, Nov 12, 2010 at 11:14 AM

I am a straight guy with a wonderful girlfriend—we are 20 and 19—and this is the first real, awesome, loving relationship for both of us. I'm GGG and a less shy about kinky stuff than her and its taken a while for me to get her out of her shell and convince her to tell me what she wants. I don't know what I was expecting but this is what I got: she wants to have sex in public real sneakily. She doesn't want to get caught. She wants us to do it without anyone else realizing that we're having sex. We like to go to raves where lingerie is the norm and everyone is on E in a huge packed crowd writhing around on each other anyway, so that's where i suggested we make this happen. But she wants to do it in libraries, eateries, crowded coffee shops, and places like that. I want to please her but I have a few questions:

1. Why is she turned on by this? Not that i think it's that weird, I'm just wondering what your take is on the psychology of someone whose fantasy is being penetrated while people are watching her but don't know

2. Is this unethical? Are we involving unknowing bystanders in our sex lives without their consent?

3. Does the fact that we're both super hot affect the ethics of it?

4. How much trouble could we potentially get in?

5. Any suggestions? All i can really think of is her sitting on me wearing a miniskirt and no panties while my dick is poking out my zipper and that doesn't sound too subtle.

Person Unsure Of Blowing His Load In Common Areas


My response after the jump...

••••••••••••••

1. It turns her on because it turns her on—really, PUOBHLICA, that's all you need to know.

Some folks who are bothered by their kinks—or bothered by their partners kinks—will root around in their pasts searching for some event or experience that justifies or explains away a particular kink. But pinning a kink on one event or life experience doesn't change anything and it's not pocket-rocket science. It's guess work and conjecture—and it's kind of a waste of time. Know thyself, of course, and blah blah blah, and we can be thoughtful and sexual. But there are way too many people out there wasting time deciphering their kinks. It's time that would be better spent enjoying and exploring their kinks.

But you should think about this: maybe public sex turns your girlfriend on or maybe she tossed that out there to get you off her back. In other words, PUOBHLICA, did you really convince her to open up about her kinks or did she pull one out of her ass—one that's not easily realized, one that she's already raised the bar on (by rejecting your first suggestion for how to realize it in favor of much more complicated and unlikely scenarios)—because she didn't want to disappoint a hot and kinky boyfriend who seemed really invested in her having at least one kink too?

2. It's only unethical if you get caught. Someone who might not want to see you two going at it—or doesn't want their kid seeing you two go at it—might get upset. If they catch you, PUOBHLICA, so don't get caught. But even if you do get caught, well, spotting a couple of young people going at it in a public place isn't much of a trauma, as traumas go. So, yeah, it's a little unethical. But don't let that stop you.

3. Affects aesthetics, not ethics.

4. You could get arrested and charged with indecent exposure. But seeing as you're young, straight, and hot, you're unlikely to get in much trouble. Unless you really cause a panic in whatever coffee shop you're fucking in, you're unlikely to get much more than a warning even if you do get caught. (And being straight really helps—gay people tend to get in a lot more trouble when we get caught engaging in public sex. Sometimes we even get shot and killed.)

5. Never really been that into public sex.... so no ideas. Maybe some Blogtownies can help you out.

Gang?

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