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Monday, November 15, 2010

SL Letter of the Day: Foreign Affairs

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Nov 15, 2010 at 10:28 AM

I'm a 22-year-old, straight, attractive woman. About a month ago, after having been together for a year, my boyfriend and I opened up our relationship because I'm studying in Denmark this year, and he's back at school in New York, and we wanted to be able to have some fun and intimacy despite the distance. We followed your three rules of success (1. increased/better communication, 2. no asking or telling about what we get on the side, 3. either of us can close the relationship if we're uncomfortable), and things have never been better between us. So, for starters, thanks!

Problem is, it's much more difficult to get any over here as opposed to back in the States. But a week ago I met this PHENOMENALLY handsome French guy through a friend, and he asked for my number. I've been talking to our mutual friend—a somewhat prudish but really sweet girl—about him for the past week, and it's come out that she's had a crush on him for a few months now. At first she said it was fine, that I could pursue him, but now she doesn't want me to. The thing is, she said she wouldn't pursue him herself because she's "just not that kind of girl." (Again, she's pretty prudish.)

So basically, we've got this hot horny guy, a hot horny girl, and a mutual friend who doesn't want to see us together. I really like this girl, and I care about her friendship, but I've only known her for a month, and I feel like she's being a bit immature about the whole thing. Also, this would probably not be a one time deal; my boyfriend and I have not excluded regular hook-ups or casual dating. And this guy would be, to put it bluntly, the crowning achievement of my sexual existence. What should I do?

Hos Before Bros?

My wholly predictable response after the jump.

•••••••••••••

No question: fuck the hot French guy you've just met (literally), fuck the new friend you just made (figuratively).

But be kind to the prudish girl on whose heart you're about to stomp: gently explain to her that you realize her feelings will likely be hurt, and you regret that, but she doesn't have a right to run around Denmark calling dibs on guys—particularly hot French guys—and then insist that, since she's not the kind of girl who fucks hot French guys, no one should get to fuck hot French guys either. And if it's any consolation, HBB, remind your friend that there's no shortage of hot men in Denmark for her not to fuck.

Because it's not just her feelings that have to be taken into account here. You have feelings, the hot French guy has feelings. You're not bit players in her prudish, so-called life. You and the hot French guy are free and autonomous individuals who will, if I have anything to say about it, be fucking the Franco-American shit out of each other before another battleship-gray morning dawns in Denmark.

And I find myself hoping that your example jolts this prudish girl out of her prudery and that the three of you are having amazing some amazingly awesome threeways before Nytårsdag rolls around.

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