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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

SL Letter of the Day: Gay Guy Prefers Web Cam To Hot Boyfriend

Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Nov 17, 2010 at 10:28 AM

I have a problem that I don't feel I can explain to the fullness to my doctor or something.
I am a 25-year-old gay male, and some times I have trouble getting hard. When I was, like, 20 everything was fine, I'd get hard with a decent kiss. But over time, this seems to have gone. There are certain things that turn me on. Porn doesn't work for me, but I do enjoy having someone do things on webcam, like a live show for me, often with a Master/slave/Dom/sub dynamic. I have never done this kind of thing in real life though. However, I now have a new, smoking-hot boyfriend, and find it weird that we can be making out and groping, and I'll not react much physically, no matter how much I want to. But if I go home and see someone on cam, I'm like an iron rod.

Am I spending too much time in my head worrying over this, training my dick to only respond to one type of stimulus or what? Please help, as I don't really think it is a medical malfunction of sorts, just psyshological, so a few tips could be awesome.

Seeking Observations From The Expert Realist

My response after the jump...

••••••••••••••••

If you were ordering around your smoking-hot boyfriend—live and in person—or being ordered around by him, or whatever it is you're doing in these uninhibited Master/slave/Dom/sub cam sessions you're having with strangers, I'll bet your dick would get hard for the boyfriend.

In other words, SOFTER, it's not the camming that's making your dick hard, it's the particular kind of sex you're giving yourself permission to have while you're camming. You need to have that kind of sex—kinky sex, sex that involves power exchange—with the boyfriend.

Sometimes it's easier for young and/or inexperienced kinksters—and congrats, SOFTER, you're a kinkster—to be open with strangers about what turns them on. The stakes are so much lower with the strangers, there's less fear of being judged or rejected. Scare off a cam partner and, hey, no big loss. You can just move on to the next online wanker looking to be ordered around. But if you open up to a boyfriend about what turns you on—if you tell him what makes your dick hard like an iron rod—there's a small-but-real chance he'll freak out and dump your ass.

But do you know what the are odds that he'll dump you if you can't perform for him? Or if he realizes that you're always rushing off to wank with strangers online? Roughly 100%, SOFTER.

So open up to the boyfriend, SOFTER, as it's the the only way this relationship stands a chance. You can even suggest meeting up online, via cam, the first few times you do this with him—and why not?

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