This Week in the Mercury
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Music Smash Mouth to Play the Portland Music Awards
Posted by Ezra Ace Caraeff on Wed, Nov 17, 2010 at 9:59 AM
Hey all stars, you are going to be hella stoked when you hear the good news: Smash Mouth is playing the Portland Music Awards.
Seriously. Fucking Smash Mouth.
Of course, we already pointed out how downright embarrassing this shameful event is, but now it has moved to another level. Few musical war criminals can top this San Jose, California—um, that's not Portland—band, but Smash Mouth's inclusion in this local award show only proves the sheer cluelessness of Craig Marquardo and how utterly useless the PMAs are. Also joining the Shrek soundtrackers will be Tori Amos knockoff act A Fine Frenzy—from Los Angeles (of course)—plus all those other crappy bands previously announced.
10:45 am Update:
It would seem that Marquardo is not a fan of this post, and sent me a message via twitter:
@ezra_ace what's your beef, Ace? Jealous that I only booked one of the awesomest badassest coolest bands not from Portland? SUCK. THIS.
End Hits: I think we need to bring back Worst Night Ever™.
1
I think I'm going to protest the PMA's. Like with a sign and one of those camping chairs and everything.
Posted by ($8239f8h248cerfehjf23@&*@ebdjhb23f237OCDBO#BD*(#
on November 17, 2010 at 10:13 AM
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4
@kiala: my sign will say, "yeah... more like the 'Portland' Music Awards". And then I'll draw a huge nutsack below the text (to help the sign get attention).
6
smash mouth? really??? like it's not bad enough to bring in outside talent to a local event, but smash mouth? what message is that supposed to send?
"...ummm, listen portland bands, you're all good and all that, but you're just not drawing the suburban meatheads from the late 90's to this event that EVERYBODY loves to have talking loudly next to them at shows."
fucking brilliant move. should be a SMASHING success!
"...ummm, listen portland bands, you're all good and all that, but you're just not drawing the suburban meatheads from the late 90's to this event that EVERYBODY loves to have talking loudly next to them at shows."
fucking brilliant move. should be a SMASHING success!
9
This Marquardo guy is retarded, right? HEY! I hear Vanilla Ice is free to open the show! Was Nickle Back busy that night? What a fucking joke.
Will bring a "Keep your California one-hit wonder's hands Off My Portland Music Awards Body" sign
Will bring a "Keep your California one-hit wonder's hands Off My Portland Music Awards Body" sign
10
Protest the Portland Music Awards! How dare you! End Hits has always been pro-Smash Mouth, peroid
15
There is a Facebook group called "Boycott The Portland Music Awards" that doesnt get much use... maybe it should see a resurgence!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Boycott-the-…
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Boycott-the-…
16
Ezra, you're my hero. I propose Portland Mercury Music Awards 2011. You're the host and I get free tickets!
17
As someone who moved to Portland from San Jose and who actually knows two of the Smashmouth guys (who are really nice guys), THIS IS SIMPLY RIDICULOUS.
Marquardo, you're an idiot. It's called the Portland Music Awards.
Marquardo, you're an idiot. It's called the Portland Music Awards.
18
You're absolutely sure that this isn't the guy who plays Stevie on Eastbound and Down? I think that we are being toyed with...
http://www.melophobe.com/images/frontpage/…
http://www.melophobe.com/images/frontpage/…
19
logophile doesn't realize s/he is part of the problem. The great tragedy of 21st Century Portland.
Posted by ($8239f8h248cerfehjf23@&*@ebdjhb23f237OCDBO#BD*(#
on November 17, 2010 at 12:17 PM
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21
Goddamit, that makes me angry. Only Blogtown commenters should be allowed to tell Mercury staffers to SUCK. THIS.
22
Hey Oregometry,
I suppose you were born and raised here? You had better be or else you are a effing hypocrite. The reason I moved here is because during the 90's everyone and their brother from all over the world moved to the Silicon Valley where I grew up, and I couldn't afford to live there once I came of age to make a life of my own. I am sorry if my displacement caused some displacement for you in some way. In short, SUCK. THIS.
I suppose you were born and raised here? You had better be or else you are a effing hypocrite. The reason I moved here is because during the 90's everyone and their brother from all over the world moved to the Silicon Valley where I grew up, and I couldn't afford to live there once I came of age to make a life of my own. I am sorry if my displacement caused some displacement for you in some way. In short, SUCK. THIS.
23
The whole problem is in the concept idea and name. He should just change the name to 'The Awesomest Badassest Coolest Bands Awards'. That would make a lot more sense.
24
if he named it the ABC Bands ever awards then smashmouth would probably not win it. i just watched scott pilgrim last night and even those techno dragon twins could show up smashmouth.
Posted by ($8239f8h248cerfehjf23@&*@ebdjhb23f237OCDBO#BD*(#
on November 17, 2010 at 1:28 PM
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29
Okay, it sounds to me like there is a real problem here. If the current awawrds show is an embarrassment, it's only hurting the local music scene. While there is definitely an argument against an awards show period, I still think there could be value in it. There is a huge Portland music community that, in my opinion, goes largely unappreciated. An awards show, done well, could help give deserving, talented musicians some hard-fought recognition. It could also earn Portland a better reputation in the music industry and bring in larger managers and labels. More business in Portland would only be a good thing right?
30
I wanna know when someone is going to get pissed that the "Brothers of the Baladi" is part of an award show. Those guys are tadpoles.
32
But don't you see the genius in his plan? Having Smash Mouth play will bring NATIONAL attention to the PMA!*
*assuming Craig Marquardo has invented a time machine that will spin the rest of the world back to 1997
*assuming Craig Marquardo has invented a time machine that will spin the rest of the world back to 1997
33
aksd's "music industry" with bigger labels and managers moving here doesn't exist in the 21st Century.
Posted by ($8239f8h248cerfehjf23@&*@ebdjhb23f237OCDBO#BD*(#
on November 17, 2010 at 2:37 PM
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35
That sounds like a challenge Oregometry! For anyone interested in seeing if 2011 can be the beginning of Portland's music scene renaissance, I started a FB page. http://www.facebook.com/pages/We-want-Port…
37
How dare you make fun of Craig Marquado!! Don't you know he single-handedly brought H&M to Portland? Are you unaware that he built our sky-tram? He is originally named Craig Powell's (yes, Powell's, not Powell) but changed his last name to Marquardo because he didn't want to receive all the attention for the awesome bookstore he owns and operates in our city. I heard a rumor that he is going to be the starting center for the Blazers after the all-star game, a game in which he will be playing AND producing. Make fun of Marquardo all you like but I once saw him heal an injured dove during one of his professional baseball games. True story. All of it.
38
aksd....what I meant was that unless you get hired (and I mean hired....all music you create becomes someone else's property) by one of the Big 5 labels in LA, there is no longer a music industry employing lots of people and making toiling young artists into rich, international sensations. The music industry, as we know it, is dead.
Posted by ($8239f8h248cerfehjf23@&*@ebdjhb23f237OCDBO#BD*(#
on November 17, 2010 at 3:22 PM
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39
Agreed. It's totally different and there's no way for every great artist to strike it rich. I don't expect a miracle. But I do expect an improvement. We could help local musicians and listeners by bringing a better showcase to Portland. One without controversy, for starters.
42
@TageSavage It's funny, when I read your comment, I thought, "This can't be real, this guy sounds like the biggest ASSHOLE." And then I was like "I'm gonna rewrite the lyrics of All Star to be about overcoming hate speech and gay slurs and make a youtube video about it, with ribbon dancing and a couple of celebrity cameos and some body glitter," but then decided not to, so I'm sorry.
44
My dear friend Portland: As the nation moves its weary eyes beyond your Willamette meets Columbia crosshairs and starts looking for a more exciting, new, hot, hip(per), less self-conscious music scene, it's going to hurt. A lot. In fact, you will see that the best thing about a scene is that its participants are completely unaware that it's a scene. The Craig Marquados of the world step in and shatter your fragile, fragile scene with shitty little (self)-promotional shows that unfairly "steal" the Portland brand away from your bat-shit-crazy self-aware little fingers, and your reactions are boring (protest) and lazy (let's start a Fbook page!). I'd recommend chilling out. That's what you are good at, Portland. That's why people love you and want to grow their children and their pot in your backyards & basements. You have a ton of over-educated musical talent and really beautiful porches. Embrace it. Pick up a guitar and play something innovative. Stop coming up with endless ways to congratulate yourself because, at some point, you'll lose your focus and your energy and your drive. Grab a pint! And meet me in Boise, where we'll muse on the good old days. Your Friend, Seattle
47
Well, internet snarkery aside, there is a growing movement of music industry professionals relocating to Portland. In the current downturn of the industry, the folks who still do it for passion and not the money have relocated here because it's exciting to be able to a: afford to live again b: be surrounded by peers and c: not be in Seattle or LA. We can make this a bedroom industry and many people are working behind the scenes to encourage that level of economic development.
Oh, and d: fuck that fucking shitty awards show.
Oh, and d: fuck that fucking shitty awards show.
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