Welp, it's my last day as a Mercury apprentice, which means so many things:

1) I can finally look my boss, Wm.™ Steven Humphrey, directly in the eyes (he has a strict "apprentices will not look me in the eye" rule).
2) I won't be getting flipped off every... single... day.
3) I'll no longer be forced to sit through those dreadful editorial meetings every Wednesday morning where my aforementioned boss calls me names, laughs hysterically at his own jokes, and takes every possible opportunity to yell "FAIL!!" at me.

That said, I'm gonna miss every second of it! I think tonight at my going away party (probably one drink at the Club before everyone looks at their imaginary watches and claims they've got to get home) I'm going to get real drunk and go on a rant similar to Kenneth Ellen Parcell's when he gets fired from TGS.

You people you are my best friends, and I hope you get everything you want in life. So kiss my face! I'll see you all in heaven! (Thumbs up)

But this isn't completely good-bye, Marjorie has asked me to help out whenever she's too busy (important) to do MOD related things, and if there is ever breaking Suri Cruise news, you can bet your sweet ass I'll be there to report on it.

So now it's time for me to get a real job. I have a pretty extensive collection of name tags and hair nets; i.e., plenty of table waiting, retail, and nannying experience (I'm really nice to kids)… so keep your ear to the ground folks! I've got a mouth to feed!