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Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Hillbilly What Should Beaverton's New Slogan Be?

Posted by Sarah Mirk on Tue, Dec 7, 2010 at 1:44 PM

Thanks to blog tipster A Seventy for sending in the news that Beaverton is in the midst of a rebranding process that involves the release of a new slogan.

What is the catchphrase of rebranded Beaverton? Shoot!

129175051300745100.jpg

That's what I've always thought of Beaverton! The best of everything in Oregon! According to the consultants, "the blue color of the city's name represents responsibility."

Right. We can do better. Leave your own Beaverton slogan in the comments and I'll put together a blog poll of the best of 'em.

 

Comments (66) RSS

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1
Beaverton: We Have Chain Stores
Posted by tk. on December 7, 2010 at 1:50 PM · Report
2
Beaverton: Less white than you'd think.
Posted by eric cantona on December 7, 2010 at 1:50 PM · Report
3
Beaverton! Let's face it, despite your "big city" smugness, you were born and bred in the suburbs. We'll be here when you're ready to go back.
Posted by jake on December 7, 2010 at 1:52 PM · Report
4
Beaverton: At Least It's Not Hillsboro!
Posted by mrbowers on December 7, 2010 at 1:54 PM · Report
5
Beaverton: Making 10 year old boys laugh since 1893.
Posted by ElGordo on December 7, 2010 at 1:55 PM · Report
6
Beaverton: Generic, and proud of it!
Posted by dimag05 on December 7, 2010 at 1:55 PM · Report
7
I live there, so let me take a stab.

Beaverton: Gates close at 11!
Beaverton: 10011101001100011!
Beaverton: We just added lanes to Hwy 26!
Beaverton: Better schools than Portland!
Beaverton: Food cart schmood cart!
Beaverton: Ensuring Democratic victories since 2010!
Posted by tallperson on December 7, 2010 at 1:58 PM · Report
8
Beaverton: Where Your Dreams of Being An Artist Go To Die
Posted by tk. on December 7, 2010 at 2:00 PM · Report
9
Beaverton: We're elbow deep in Beavers.
Posted by econoline on December 7, 2010 at 2:02 PM · Report
10
Beaverton: Our intersections can fit football fields.
Posted by Hoppy on December 7, 2010 at 2:06 PM · Report
11
Beaverton: the cul-de-sac capital of Oregon!
Posted by eric cantona on December 7, 2010 at 2:07 PM · Report
12
Beaverton: Tons of Beavers!
Posted by mrbowers on December 7, 2010 at 2:09 PM · Report
13
Beaverton: Don't think of it as a sea of strip malls, rather a sea of minimum wage jobs.
Posted by McAngryPants on December 7, 2010 at 2:15 PM · Report
14
Beaverton, yes we do mean vagina.
Posted by Fruit Cup on December 7, 2010 at 2:16 PM · Report
15
Beaverton: SO MANY TARGETS AND OLD NAVYS !!!111!
Posted by kiala on December 7, 2010 at 2:22 PM · Report
16
Beaverton: not as white as Portland, and not as smug, either.

or

Beaverton: where the taco carts aren't run by white hipsters trying to cash in on the latest foodie fad

Okay, those both suck.

How about:

Beaverton: go ahead and laugh, pussy, your 800 sq. foot condo cost more than my house and would fit in my garage.

Yeah, that sucks too. I give up.
Posted by Steve R. on December 7, 2010 at 2:35 PM · Report
17
Beaverton: THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST, THE BEST of you... I mean, Oregon.
Posted by I Like Your New Haircut on December 7, 2010 at 2:39 PM · Report
18
Almost Bieberton.
Posted by dmitrir on December 7, 2010 at 2:42 PM · Report
19
Beaverton: Designed By Committee
Posted by Graham on December 7, 2010 at 2:44 PM · Report
20
Beaverton: OUR COPS FUCKING HATE YOU!
Posted by Earnest "Nex" Cavalli on December 7, 2010 at 2:45 PM · Report
21
Gaah! #4 beat me to it.
can't miss a chance to make fun of hillsboro.
Posted by Chester Copperpot on December 7, 2010 at 2:48 PM · Report
22
Beaverton: Reminding Portlanders that life could be much worse since 1893.
Posted by Stu on December 7, 2010 at 2:48 PM · Report
23
Beaverton: In Times of Crisis, Can Transform into Beaver-tron.
Posted by atomic on December 7, 2010 at 2:52 PM · Report
24
1. No slogan, just an upturned beaver butt and tail expelling those lines to the left of "Beaverton."

2. "At Least We're Not Hillsboro"

3. "Born from Beavers"

4. "Just 20 Minutes of Hellish Traffic West of a Better Place"

5. "Because You Have Kids Now"

6. "The Tenth or Eleventh Best of Oregon, If We're Being Honest About It."

7. "No Longer Slyly Referring to Ourselves as SW Portland"

8. "We Have Burgervilles, Too, Why Won't the New York Times Write Up Our Vibrant Food Scene?"

9. "Life's a Little Cheaper Here"

10. "Still Far, Far From Tualatin."
Posted by Commenty Colin on December 7, 2010 at 2:53 PM · Report
25
Sorry just noticed my 3 ripped off mrbowers. Apologies!
Posted by Commenty Colin on December 7, 2010 at 2:55 PM · Report
26
Beaverton: No you can't.
Posted by Stu on December 7, 2010 at 2:55 PM · Report
27
Beaverton: One chain sushi place away from the whole set!
Posted by ($8239f8h248cerfehjf23@&*@ebdjhb23f237OCDBO#BD*(# on December 7, 2010 at 2:58 PM · Report
28
grr typo, it's my #2 that I shouldn't have dropped on you.
Posted by Commenty Colin on December 7, 2010 at 2:58 PM · Report
29
Beaverton: Pedigree white people with DUI's
Posted by El Dulce on December 7, 2010 at 3:01 PM · Report
30
Beaverton: More beavers that Cougarton.
Posted by Suburban Porn King on December 7, 2010 at 3:05 PM · Report
31
Beaverton: Plate or Party Platter?


Posted by TSW on December 7, 2010 at 3:09 PM · Report
32
Beaverton: Uwajimaya.
Posted by Bill Vaughan on December 7, 2010 at 3:10 PM · Report
33
Beaverton: our cops may hate you, but at least they won't kill you.

big ups to CC for "because you have kids now"
Posted by eric cantona on December 7, 2010 at 3:12 PM · Report
34
Beaverton: It's 'on!
Posted by Todd Mecklem on December 7, 2010 at 3:13 PM · Report
35
Beaverton: A Suburb of Portland
Posted by ROM on December 7, 2010 at 3:15 PM · Report
36
Beaverton: We also go by Beavatron, which sounds cooler.
Posted by Joneser on December 7, 2010 at 3:15 PM · Report
37
Beaverton: Because you gave up
Posted by penthesilea on December 7, 2010 at 3:18 PM · Report
38
Beaverton 2: Electric Boogaloo
Posted by cat & beard on December 7, 2010 at 3:28 PM · Report
39
Beaverton: Where the FUCK am I?

Beaverton: number number number number number SW number number number Street.
Posted by TSW on December 7, 2010 at 3:32 PM · Report
40
The Other Gresham
Posted by Chunty McHutchence on December 7, 2010 at 3:39 PM · Report
41
Beaverton: Sterile, Safe, and Corporate
Posted by ljsgecko on December 7, 2010 at 3:55 PM · Report
42
VAGINA! (Get it? Apparently several of you already did.)
Posted by Sūṕër Ḉḩüñdŷ on December 7, 2010 at 4:16 PM · Report
43
Beaverton: Where God Once Emptied His Bowels.
Posted by Shoopesh on December 7, 2010 at 4:19 PM · Report
44
Beaverton: where cab's bring downtown duchebags after they leave Aura
Posted by citizn00 on December 7, 2010 at 4:30 PM · Report
45
Beaverton: Only a block away from Nike Global Headquarters
Posted by dimag05 on December 7, 2010 at 4:32 PM · Report
46
Beaverton: Me and Joneser Had The Same Idea!
Posted by atomic on December 7, 2010 at 5:34 PM · Report
47
Beaverton: Nobody told us
Posted by towski on December 7, 2010 at 5:37 PM · Report
48
Beaverton: Exactly like living in a coma.
Posted by Little D on December 7, 2010 at 6:22 PM · Report
49
Beaverton:
*So close, but yet so far*
*short for beaver town!*
*Damn you craigslist apartment listings, I thought I was moving to Portland*
*sounds erotic to deranged men*
*not enough wax in god's ear to tame this wild beast*
*well groomed*
Posted by one.lovely.man on December 7, 2010 at 6:25 PM · Report
50
Only 10 minutes to downtown Portland!
Posted by jessecornett on December 7, 2010 at 6:36 PM · Report
51
Beaverton = Portland - bikes + chain stores
Posted by ebag on December 7, 2010 at 6:52 PM · Report
52
Beaverton: We don't sound like a place in Hawaii.
Posted by Nat_a_nat on December 7, 2010 at 7:40 PM · Report
53
11. "The Blue Color of the City's Name Represents Responsibility"

12. "Portland's Goiter"

13. "We're Gonna Win You Over! Ha, Not Really."

14. "God Help You If You Tell Our Children You're Gay"

15. "Proud Sister City of Birobidzhan!"

16. "We'll Do Those Things You Like That Other Cities Won't Do"

17. "Probably The Best Place On Earth In An Alternate Universe"

18. "A Chicken In Every Pot, and Fourteen Cars In Every Garage"

19. "We Have the Gigantism Problem Under Control Mostly"

20. "America's Windy, Breezy Big Easy Apple By The Bay of Big Shoulders & Brotherly Love"
Posted by Commenty Colin on December 7, 2010 at 7:51 PM · Report
54
Beaverton: Home of children and their unhappy parents who are ripped on vicodin and oxycontin!
Posted by Raptured Randy Savage on December 7, 2010 at 7:54 PM · Report
55
Beaverton: who wouldn't to be another dick jammed in here?

(omg two levels!!!!)
Posted by Williams, Jay on December 7, 2010 at 9:13 PM · Report
56
21. "KEEP BEAVERTON BLAND"


OK, I'm done. Please mail my Yakov Smirnoff Memorial One Topic Riffsplosion Award to 4755 SW Griffith Drive.
Posted by Commenty Colin on December 7, 2010 at 10:51 PM · Report
57
Beaverton- You can still tell out of town family and friends that you live in Portland.
Posted by Psymonetta Isnoful on December 8, 2010 at 6:45 AM · Report
58
Beaverton: Same Deserate Portland Posturing with a Little Cologne and Makeup
Posted by TSW on December 8, 2010 at 7:39 AM · Report
59
Beaverton: We're not in Kansas anymore. Honest.

Beaverton: Not even interesting enough for an ironic Mercury "Best of" edition.

Beaverton: The kind of place that needs a rebranding process.
Posted by Stu on December 8, 2010 at 9:17 AM · Report
60
Beaverton: Remember breast implants?
Posted by Kyle! on December 8, 2010 at 9:19 AM · Report
61
Beaverton: At least there's the H-Mart, or is that Tualatin.
Beaverton: The time is now, the place is Chevy's Fresh Mex.
Posted by jarvitron on December 8, 2010 at 9:43 AM · Report
62
Beaverton: Fuck this shit
Posted by dark on December 8, 2010 at 10:38 AM · Report
63
Beaverton: It feels just like you're back home in California.
Posted by ($8239f8h248cerfehjf23@&*@ebdjhb23f237OCDBO#BD*(# on December 8, 2010 at 11:33 AM · Report
64
Beaverton: The best some people can do.
Posted by Beer Batter on December 8, 2010 at 1:09 PM · Report
65
Bieberton, Oregon: "I thought you'd always be mine, mine."
Posted by biebs on December 8, 2010 at 3:40 PM · Report
66
Beaverton: Metro leadership with suburban flair!
Posted by zipitup on December 10, 2010 at 6:03 PM · Report

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