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Friday, December 10, 2010

GAH! The Mercury Charity Auction Ends in 24 Hours! GAH!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Dec 10, 2010 at 11:47 AM

GUYS! It's make it or break it time for the Mercury Online Charity Auction because all bidding will come to an end at noon tomorrow (Saturday)! Please open your hearts and wallets because all the proceeds from this year's auction goes to the highly deserving Raphael House—assisting the survivors of domestic violence. Read much more about it here!

BUT THIS IS WHAT GETS MY GOAT! There's still a poop ton of fantastic packages going for FAR BELOW their market value. I know everybody wants a deal... but think of all the people you can help by being just a little more generous! Check out these sweet deals that are currently flying WAY under the radar:

WELLNESS PACKAGE: An initial chiropractic exam, a monthly treatment, plus a monthly massage for 12 months! Plus an acupuncture balancing treatment, and a basic massage class, and it's currently only going for $152.50?!? YO, THAT SHIT'S WORTH $1187 BONES!! BID NOW!

IT'S ONLY ROCK N ROLL, BUT I LIKE IT: Legal consultation from an entertainment lawyer, 20 hours of studio recording time, AND $50 worth of sweet threads? That's worth well over $800, and it's currently at just over $200! BID NOW!

COMIC BOOK CHAOS!: Where my comic nerds at? This is a crazy expensive and sweet collection of fantastic comics and graphic novels worth over $500, and is currently holding strong at... oh, c'mon...$152.50? BOOO. BID NOW!

HELL COMES TO YOUR HOUSE: The fantastic and hilariously talented Karaoke from Hell plays a party at your house—a gig for which they usually receive $2500 at the least—and you only want to pay $201? DON'T INSULT ME (or them)!! BID NOW!

IT'S YOUR PARTY! (PLUS 74 OF YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS): So basically you get event space, event planning, free beer and video services for what will surely be the party of the century—yet for all of this the current bid is only $355? IT'S WORTH $1300, GUYS. BID NOW!

And what about those five GRAIN INTEGRATIVE HEALTH packages? That's a crazy amount of health related services worth at least $450 each, and a few still have bids as low as $31 bucks! BID NOW!

AND FINALLY… What the eff is going on with the YOU DESIGN THE MERCURY COVER package this year? It's THE MERCURY COVER, people! It will be seen in every corner of the city for at least a week, and live on in infamy on the internet! Though invaluable, if we were to ever sell it, it would go for at LEAST $5,000! And it's currently only going for $122.50? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!! NO FUCKING WAY. I swear to Christ, if this doesn't bump up to a decent amount soon, I'll buy it myself and put a big picture of Justin Bieber on the cover with the text, "That's What Ya Get for Being Cheap, Dickheads!" BID NOW!

Plus tons more! There's something just waiting for you or a loved one in the Mercury Online Charity Auction, ENDING TOMORROW AT NOON! Please, bid generously!

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