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Open Season: Year 11

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Dec 15, 2010 at 9:34 AM

A deranged man holds a Florida school board meeting captive with a gun—and things get much weirder from there.

On Thursday, Sweden will attempt to appeal Wikileaks Julian Assange's release on bail—because they love him so much and want him back!

Sorry, Assange! Time magazine's "Person of the Year" is Facebook nerd Mark Zuckerberg.

Obama makes one last big push to pass his (Republican) compromised tax deal.

Four decomposing bodies have been found on a secluded New York beach. Could this be the work of a... serial killer? PANIC!! PANIC!! PANIC!!

Captured Iraqi insurgents reveal that al-Qaida is planning terrorist attacks on America and Europe during the Christmas season. BOOOOO!! And... PANIC!! PANIC!! PANIC!!

Two suicide bombers in southeastern Iran kill 39, including a new born baby.

A helmeted motorcyclist commits a daring robbery of the Bellagio casino in Vegas, getting away with $1.5 million in chips. (Whoops! Forgot to cash those in.)

A California mom and watchdog group are suing McDonalds over the toys in their Happy Meals. Look, why don't they just change the name to "Morbidly Obese Meals" and instead of a toy, drop in a diuretic?

There was a "tornado" in Oregon yesterday, which despite what the Oregonian and local news stations are trying to make us believe, was not a reason to PANIC!!! PANIC!!! PANIC!!!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: OMG, it's a "TORNADO!!!" PANIC!! PANIC!! PANIC!! (Actually it's gonna be in the mid-40s and party sunny through Friday.)

And finally, what if Super Mario Bros. was made today? It might go something like this!

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