When Patrick Alan Coleman left the Mercury a few months back, frequent readers of Blogtown probably heard the rumors and whisperings of scandal. The odd charges that started appearing on the phone bill; the expensive takeout orders on the Mercury credit card at strange hours of the night; the strange aioli stains that appeared on Steve’s favorite hand-stitched Bieber turtleneck. Next thing we knew, PAC was getting his thrills elsewhere.

Mystery solved, folks. Call me Phillip Fucking Marlowe (the Elliott Gould version). Over at his new gig, our former food critic has “interviewed” Tonya Jones Miller, a phone-sex operator and the creator of chefcrush.com. Coleman whimpers, “She's merging her worlds to offer over-the-phone talk-throughs of practical, date- (and holiday-) friendly recipes, spicing things up with as much teasing, heavy-breathing, moaning, and dirty talk as you can handle without your Pépin experiencing premature e-Jacques-ulation.”

If the line's busy (and Patrick happens not to be picking up either), click through for Miller’s sensual take on Bananas Foster, Bacon-Stuffed Mushrooms, and Dill Roasted Salmon.