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Monday, January 3, 2011

Another Reason for You to Dislike Me: I Didn't Think Toy Story 3 Was All that Great

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 11:45 AM

And yet? A crazy number of people (including certain members of the insular mutual masturbation club that is the Mercury film team) loved it, along with Quentin Tarantino who put Toy Story 3 in the NUMBER ONE SLOT on his "Top Films of 2010" list!
Now, I'm not here to say this film or any film should automatically move to the top of a top ten list, because frankly, I normally don't give two shits about lists of this sort. HOWEVER! Putting Toy Story 3 in the number one slot of ANYTHING shows a frightening lack of cinematic taste, and I would like everyone who is doing it to please get a grip on themselves and STOP.
Now. Take a quick sip of water, because becoming infuriated makes one dehydrated. Here's why Toy Story 3 doesn't belong in the number one spot of anything, except in the minds of those with a pantload of diaper gravy.
1) Toy Story 3 was OHHH-KAY, and that's about it. I thought the parody of The Great Escape was a nice touch—but parodies don't belong in the number one spot. Originality does.
3) "But it made me cry!!" E.T. also made you cry, and it was a complete piece of shit. What you experienced is called "manipulation"—and while I'm not totally against it as a cinematic tool, in this case, your tears probably came more from feelings of lost youth rather than any honest empathy for the characters.
4) I suppose I would have no problem with Toy Story 3 being on "the top ten list of best baby movies of the year."
5) I'm not trolling you, this is really how I feel.
6) The Beatles are still wildly overrated.
7) Haters are now free to hate.


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