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Monday, January 3, 2011

Another Reason for You to Dislike Me: I Didn't Think Toy Story 3 Was All that Great

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 11:45 AM

And yet? A crazy number of people (including certain members of the insular mutual masturbation club that is the Mercury film team) loved it, along with Quentin Tarantino who put Toy Story 3 in the NUMBER ONE SLOT on his "Top Films of 2010" list!
Now, I'm not here to say this film or any film should automatically move to the top of a top ten list, because frankly, I normally don't give two shits about lists of this sort. HOWEVER! Putting Toy Story 3 in the number one slot of ANYTHING shows a frightening lack of cinematic taste, and I would like everyone who is doing it to please get a grip on themselves and STOP.
Now. Take a quick sip of water, because becoming infuriated makes one dehydrated. Here's why Toy Story 3 doesn't belong in the number one spot of anything, except in the minds of those with a pantload of diaper gravy.
1) Toy Story 3 was OHHH-KAY, and that's about it. I thought the parody of The Great Escape was a nice touch—but parodies don't belong in the number one spot. Originality does.
2) It had Tim Allen in it. NOW YOU'RE BEGINNING TO SUSPECT I'M RIGHT!
3) "But it made me cry!!" E.T. also made you cry, and it was a complete piece of shit. What you experienced is called "manipulation"—and while I'm not totally against it as a cinematic tool, in this case, your tears probably came more from feelings of lost youth rather than any honest empathy for the characters.
4) I suppose I would have no problem with Toy Story 3 being on "the top ten list of best baby movies of the year."
5) I'm not trolling you, this is really how I feel.
6) The Beatles are still wildly overrated.
7) Haters are now free to hate.

Toy_Story_3_cast-590x330.jpg

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