If you're eating oatmeal right now, prepare to have a computer screen covered with oatmeal! BECAUSE YOU'RE TOTALLY GONNA SNORK IT AFTER SEEING JUSTIN BIEBER'S VANITY FAIR PHOTO SHOOT!!

- "There's an 80 percent chance I have herpes now!"

- "Yarghhhh! Oh, Christ... how can I be having a stroke? I'M ONLY SIXTEEN!!"
More after the jump!

- "What can I say? The ladies love my most recent essay on Descartes."

- Checkers, Pepsi, and Bitches: Ain't Nuthin' but a Beeb Thang
via Vanity Fair