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Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Jan 5, 2011 at 9:32 AM

The Republican Congress is sworn in, the mood is high, and the countdown until their implosion begins in three... two... one...

Obama press secretary Robert Gibbs is stepping down to become an "outside adviser." (Yeah, I'd try to get as far away from those Republicans as possible, too.)

Big jump in the job market which is great news for Obama, and bad news for you slackers sitting around reading this in a coffee shop.

30 Rock's Alec Baldwin finally admits he has political aspirations—and should he be elected, he will institute "ABC" legislation. "ALWAYS... BE... CLOSING!"

Experts are still looking for clues about why huge flocks of birds suddenly died and fell out of the sky in Arkansas and Louisiana. My guess? I'd kill myself too if I were stuck in Arkansas or Louisiana.

Prosecutors are saying that Michael Jackson's personal doctor did not know how to properly administer CPR. HIS PERSONAL DOCTOR!

In non-important celebrity gossip that we secretly care very deeply about: Are TayJake dunzo? OH, I HOPE, I HOPE, I HOPE!

Locally, the World Almanac is telling us that actually, Chris Dudley will be our new governor. Sorry, Kitz! Facts are facts!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Light showers and warmer with highs in the mid-40s through Friday, then more clear and cold!

And finally, if you need an accident lawyer, call Judith Marsh: "Slow down, cowgirl! SHE'S NOT A MAN!"

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