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Thursday, January 13, 2011

Today in WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN THE ZODIAC'S ALL DIFFERENT NOW?!?

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Jan 13, 2011 at 2:58 PM

Okay, first they said Pluto wasn't a planet. Whatever, like I give a shit. But now they're saying I'M NOT A GEMINI ANYMORE?? From the Washington Post:

Star signs were created by ancient Babylonians some 2,000 years ago by tracking where the sun was in the sky each month. However, the moon's gravitational pull has slowly moved the Earth in its axis, creating about a one-month bump in the stars' alignment, reports the Minnesota Star Tribune. Now, during what we think as the month of Pisces, the sun is actually in the sign of Aries.

And if you're wondering what you are now, here's the adjusted list:

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11
Pisces: March 11-April 18
Aries: April 18-May 13
Taurus: May 13-June 21
Gemini: June 21-July 20
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23-Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20

Oh HELL TO THE NO! There's NO freaking WAY I'm switching over to Taurus! (What's Taurus like, anyway?)

Taurus, the second sign of the zodiac, is all about reward. Unlike the Aries love of the game, Taurus loves the rewards of the game. Think physical pleasures and material goods, for those born under this sign revel in delicious excess. They are also a tactile lot, enjoying a tender, even sensual, touch. Taurus adores comfort and likes being surrounded by pleasing, soothing things. Along these lines, they also favor a good meal and a fine wine. The good life in all its guises, whether it's the arts or art of their own making (yes, these folks are artistic as well), is heaven on Earth to the Taurus-born.

Oh, well that's different then. And Taurus is also represented by the Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull, and I'm all over that! Sooooo.... HELLO, MY NAME IS HUMPY... AND I'M A TAURUS.

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