This Week in the Mercury

Crystal Ball, Purple Haze

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Crystal Ball, Purple Haze

Oregon's Pot Laws Are Up in the Air, But these Are the Ones Getting the Most Attention


Weed, Inc.

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Weed, Inc.

A Pot Attorney Answers Questions about the Business of Legal Weed



Friday, January 14, 2011

Let's Rename the Rose Garden!

Posted by Ezra Ace Caraeff on Fri, Jan 14, 2011 at 11:14 AM

Looking good, ExtenZe Arena
  • Looking good, ExtenZe Arena

Blazers fans, be thankful for Paul Allen. And no, this is not another post about the sheer unbridled insanity that pours from John Canzano's pen. This is about Power Balance wristbands, as in those snake oil, placebo-on-the-wrist accessories that have been proved to be a complete and total scam. A very profitable scam.

This week the the Sacramento Kings announced that their arena will now be entitled Power Balance Pavilion, as the wristband company decided to drop about a million dollars a year to purchase the naming rights for this last place franchise. It's shameful, but not much worse than other corporately named stadiums/arenas, such as Amway Arena (Orlando Magic), Quicken Loans Arena (Cleveland Cavs), PETCO Park (San Diego Padres), EnergySolutions Arena (Utah Jazz), and the Houston Astros' Enron Field (which was thankfully changed to Minute Maid Park).

In fact, 25 of the NBA's 30 teams play in arenas whose naming rights have been sold to corporate interests. But despite a trail of well-documented financial missteps (losing $15 billion in nine years must really hurt) Blazers' owner Paul Allen has refused to pawn the naming rights to the Rose Garden. Thank god we don't have to walk into an arena named after Power Balance, a pet store, or Amway.

But if the Blazers do eventually decide to sell off the arena name, they will have to find a perfect bidder. Here are my suggestions: The ExtenZe Arena, the Kardashian Dome, the Sarah Palin in 2012 Patriotism Pavilion, the Scientology Center, the Larry the Cable Guy Git-R-Done Dome, or the Dear Leader Kim Jong-il Center for Global Basketball Prosperity and Athletic Dominance. Feel free to suggest new Rose Garden names below.

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