OKAY, GUYS! I GOT A KID'S B-DAY PARTY TO HIT IN 30 MINUTES (don't ask, and don't accuse), SO NO TIME FOR BULLSHIT! LET'S DO THIS!!

In Obama's state of the union address on Tuesday, expect this message: "Look at me! I'm not a liberal or a teabagger, I'M FIRMLY IN THE CENTER. Like me better, now?"

A mentally ill patient in the Netherlands was found tied to a wall. That's one thing they don't do better than us.

A Utah state trooper smacks a woman during a routine traffic stop. UTAH!

After all the sound and fury regarding Wikileaks, it should be noted that only 1 percent of the leaks have actually been leaked.

More on the disintegrating relationship that preceded Keith Olbermann's hasty departure from MSNBC—BUT WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?!?

Director/writer Judd Apatow is still mad about Ricky Gervais' performance at the Golden Globes? Get over it, Senor Butt Sore!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: More sun! More balmy weather! All the way through next Saturday?!? YESSSSSS.

And finally, I just learned a great trick to pull at this kid's party I'm going to! WATCH!!