This Week in the Mercury

Notes from the Underground


Notes from the Underground

Michaelangelo Matos' Chronicle of EDM Is Massive Indeed




The Bleak Brilliance of Norm Macdonald

Monday, January 24, 2011

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Jan 24, 2011 at 9:32 AM

An explosion at Moscow's primary airport kills at least 30, injures 130, and is being seen as a terrorist attack.

$160 million has been spent to defend Freddie Mac and Fanny Mae since the government takeover... and guess who's footing that bill? NO, SERIOUSLY. GUESS.

A bad day for cops here, here, here, and here.

Longtime fitness star Jack LaLanne dies at age 96—and is STILL in better shape than you!

THIS JUST IN: Japan's serial biting monkey has escaped captivity; we repeat HAS ESCAPED CAPTIVITY, and authorities are warning citizens to... wait. Oh, god. No, NO, NOOOOOO!!! Stop biting me!!!

Everybody relax: the Pope has given his qualified blessing to social networking. Twitter, you're no longer going to hell!

Guys! Oprah has a secret half-sister! REALLY!! Why aren't you excited by this?

Now here's what's happening in your neck of the woods: If these goddamn clouds ever burn away, we'll see sunny skies with highs in the low to mid 50s through Saturday!

And finally, if you and I were to have sex, this is how I would feel about it. (Note: You're the Spongebob straw.)

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