In a new GQ profile, Rev. Ted Haggard addresses the continued assumptions that he's gay, following revelations years ago that the prominent evangelical had a drug-fueled sexual relationship with a gay male former escort: "I think that probably, if I were 21 in this society, I would identify myself as a bisexual...He admitted to buying drugs "five or six times" from Jones, but adds: "Sometimes I'd throw it away. Other times, I'd go someplace and masturbate and use it. But it was for masturbation. And that's one of the reasons why I haven't been real clear. I don't want to stand up publicly and say, 'Hey, I'm a masturbation guy!""
Well! That settles that. Why didn't you just say so in the first place, big guy?