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Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Feb 2, 2011 at 9:33 AM

Previously in Egypt: Two million demonstators take to the streets! President Mubarak pledges to step down at the end of his term. Demonstrators yell, "BULLSHIT! Not good enough!" And today these same demonstrators are fighting with thousands of so-called Mubarak supporters. Things are getting ugly.

Probably realizing that he should "git" while the "gittin's good," President Ali Abdullah Saleh of Yemen announces that he too will step down at the end of his term.

Thousands of flights are cancelled as Snowpocalyptic Armageddon II: The Reckoning hammers the midwest.

In other bastard weather news, a category 5 cyclone smashes into Australia.

In more "weather" news, it's Groundhog Day! And Punxsutawney Phil was on the verge of predicting an early spring when he was hit by a category 5 cyclone.

A woman in California under the influence of "several prescription drugs" is in court after killing a bicyclist by striking and dragging him under her car for a mile.

Tara Reid lets it slip that there may be a Big Lebowski 2... and then lets her nipple slip as well.

Locally, and I didn't realize this, but porn star Kacey Jordan who was with Charlie Sheen during his latest 36-hour booze 'n' drug binge is actually a Lake Oswego native porn star!! I suppose it's our duty to watch her films, now. (They've gotta be better than Portlandia, right?)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Sunny and warming up starting tomorrow—though expect a few clouds on the weekend. WHAT??? BULLSHIT!! I'd prefer a snowstorm or category 5 cyclone!

And finally, while many of you midwesterners are cursing the snowstorm, Weather Channel meteorologist Jim Cantore is fucking loving it!

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