Will Egypt's 82-year-old dictator step down? Probably not, or at least not until he's at least 83 years old. Nearly two weeks into Egypt's vox populi revolution, life is returning to normal for only a few Cairo residents, and Hosni Mubarak is as firmly ensconced as ever, to the consternation of American diplomats. All this, even as his newly appointed vice president holds once-unthinkable talks on Egypt's future with leading opposition groups. America, it should be noted, has long had a way of finding itself inserted awkwardly into these kinds of debates.

Guns, mental illness, and "blind spots." In most states, a criminal conviction or mental health hold ought to mean someone who once legally bought a gun (or guns) should have that gun (or guns) taken away. But with tens of thousands of people on the verboten list, authorities are struggling to police that provision, and some police agencies don't even try.

Sarah Palin is complaining about the national debt again. Also, deficits. And Barack Obama. And big government. Which I guess would be fine if she weren't doing it while also attempting to ecstatically celebrate the American president most associated (of all times, ever!) with the debt: Ronald Reagan.

Good ol' cowboy Ronnie! Everyone these days, it seems, is cozying up to his fuzzy warm benevolent TV glow, with the left forgetting things like deregulation and South Africa and the right forgetting things like RAMPANT SPENDING and A WILLINGNESS TO BEND on things like TAXES.

Guess who isn't going to Switzerland? George W. Bush, that's who, silly! Seems some human rights groups might have been planning some legal shenanigans over Bush's approval of interrogation practices commonly known as TORTURE. The Bush camp shrugged and snickered and said it was canceling only because some of the demonstrations might turn violent. Riiiight.

It's been so long since I've watched a buddy comedy (yawn!), I'm not sure what kind of cliches to dredge up. But down in Salem, the House of Representatives—where two co-speakers from across the aisle are sharing the gavel this year—might be about to resemble one. Maybe Bruce Hanna will fall in love and get his shit straight, and then Arnie Roblan, after a period of hi-lariously depressing estrangement, will then decide to get his own life in order, too? Stay tuned!

In a big-dick contest over who loves their dog the most, Thailand's crown prince is miles ahead of everybody. At one 2007 state dinner described in a WikiLeaks cable, the prince dressed his poodle, Foo Foo (who holds military rank!), in fine, miniature-size evening wear and allowed the thing to crawl up onto the table and lap from guests' glasses.

A cyclist hit by a car in Southwest on Friday is recovering from critical injuries. The driver in the crash says she was distracted by her dog and may have hit the gas instead of the brake.

Catching up on some news: Ex-TriMet bus driver Sandi Day, accused of killing two pedestrians in Portland's worst-ever transit crash, was found guilty of six traffic charges by a judge Friday afternoon. The O says she'll have to "pay more than $1,000 in fines, perform 200 hours of community service and complete a traffic safety course."

Some of you, I understand, will be later drinking, gorging, and watching teams from sad-sack Midwest/Rust Belt cities (even though I keep hearing Pittsburgh called the Portland of the East) play a very expensive and important football game. I admire your passion. Clearly.