This Week in the Mercury

All Work, No Play

Theater

All Work, No Play

CoHo's Able Comedic Adaptation of Dickens' Hard Times


Film Shorts

Film

Film Shorts

In Which We Hit It and Quit It



  |  

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Misc Someone in Georgia Will Do Anything For You

Posted by Dave Bow on Wed, Feb 9, 2011 at 9:59 AM

I try my best to keep my business dealings local but this craigslist ad from Atlanta, GA has some pretty great deals in it.

travisdoesanything@gmail.com

My name is Travis Broyles and I will do whatever* you want me to do for less money than whoever you are paying to do it now.

Below is a list of just some of the things I can do. I do want to stress that I DO ANYTHING so email me if your requested service is not listed here.

Things I Will Do For $5:
Stare at you for 5 minutes
Give a hug to the person of your choosing
Call you on the phone and seem genuinely interested for 10 minutes
Draw your face on a balloon
Sing Barenaked Ladies' "One Week" from memory to the best of my ability
6 minutes of copywriting

Things I Will Do For $10:
Write your new theme song
Sing your new theme song on your voicemail
Spin until I throw up or you lose interest
Rename your Pokémon
Host a conference call with you and a person that you've always thought was cool but never really got the chance to hang out with, you know?
12 minutes of copywriting

The list keeps going up a sliding scale including such options as "Star treatment for a month (I'll hide in bushes and take pictures of you)" and "Yell your name every time I wake up for the rest of my life". Before you get carried away, though, read the footnote that goes with that asterisk. Mr. Broyles will do almost anything:

*Prices and tasks are subject to negotiation. I will not murder or steal or perform a legendary murdersteal. No rapes, and the sex has to be unrelated to the payment, like "Oh, after you're done cutting those trees down, do you want some lemonade?" but the lemonade means sex, mostly.

h/t to Fuzzbee Plimpington

 

Comments (3) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
Awesome. And relocated here: http://atlanta.craigslist.org/atl/crs/2205…
Posted by tk. on February 9, 2011 at 10:09 AM · Report
2
HEE! Murdersteal. So funny.
Posted by kiala on February 9, 2011 at 11:41 AM · Report
3
Now THAT is funny. Take notes, monkeys
Posted by The Showstopper on February 11, 2011 at 2:30 PM · Report

Add a comment

Our Friends

Our Enemies

/images/adoftheweek.gif

ad of the day

The Handyman Pro - Your Honey-Do Specialist
Don’t let our name fool you. The Handyman Pro, LLC is a repair and remodel service provider with over 25-years experience. We cover all aspects of construction and repairs for residential and commercial clients.go


post an ad

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use