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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Someone in Georgia Will Do Anything For You

Posted by Dave Bow on Wed, Feb 9, 2011 at 9:59 AM

I try my best to keep my business dealings local but this craigslist ad from Atlanta, GA has some pretty great deals in it.

travisdoesanything@gmail.com

My name is Travis Broyles and I will do whatever* you want me to do for less money than whoever you are paying to do it now.

Below is a list of just some of the things I can do. I do want to stress that I DO ANYTHING so email me if your requested service is not listed here.

Things I Will Do For $5:
Stare at you for 5 minutes
Give a hug to the person of your choosing
Call you on the phone and seem genuinely interested for 10 minutes
Draw your face on a balloon
Sing Barenaked Ladies' "One Week" from memory to the best of my ability
6 minutes of copywriting

Things I Will Do For $10:
Write your new theme song
Sing your new theme song on your voicemail
Spin until I throw up or you lose interest
Rename your Pokémon
Host a conference call with you and a person that you've always thought was cool but never really got the chance to hang out with, you know?
12 minutes of copywriting

The list keeps going up a sliding scale including such options as "Star treatment for a month (I'll hide in bushes and take pictures of you)" and "Yell your name every time I wake up for the rest of my life". Before you get carried away, though, read the footnote that goes with that asterisk. Mr. Broyles will do almost anything:

*Prices and tasks are subject to negotiation. I will not murder or steal or perform a legendary murdersteal. No rapes, and the sex has to be unrelated to the payment, like "Oh, after you're done cutting those trees down, do you want some lemonade?" but the lemonade means sex, mostly.

h/t to Fuzzbee Plimpington

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