• Wm. Steven Humphrey FINALLY realized that Portlandia is "really, really, really, REALLY bad." You heard it here last!
• In a rare display of something vaguely resembling journalism, Sarah Mirk broke the story that Powell's fired a bunch of people. Mirk will, no doubt, follow up this important story with some inane bullshit about bicycles.
• In a failed attempt to justify his meager salary, Ezra "Ace" Caraeff bravely asked, "How Many Male Drummers Stand While Playing?" Please note that this question is a total waste of time unless you are a fucking imbecile.
• Bespectacled dweeb Erik Henriksen attempted to get anyone to give two shits about the Portland International Film Festival. Unsurprisingly, Blogtown's half-literate philistines proved to be far more interested in yet another homoerotic children's film.
• The internet correctly pointed out that Courtney Ferguson is, in fact, a racist.
• The internet correctly pointed out that Alison Hallett is, in fact, an anti-Semite.
• Tony Perez "reported" on the the Oregon Public House, "the country's first pub operating as a non-profit." Nice work, Portland fuckwits! You've even found a way to make drinking annoying and self-satisfied!
• Ned Lannamann did nothing worthwhile.
• As I refuse to waste the electricity it would take to visit MOD, I have no idea—and even less interest—in whatever it was that Marjorie Skinner busied herself with this week.
• Last and certainly least, the gleefully pedophillic Wm. Steven Humphrey pathetically "celebrated" his 100th "Bieber Fever" blog post—only to have someone with a first-grader's grasp of mathematics point out that it wasn't even his 100th blog post. The Mercury's proud tradition of incompetence continues.
I will return next week, and not one moment before. I urge you to do the same.