Having just won the Academy Award for Best Picture and earning over $100 million at the US box office, The King’s Speech is a decided success. And knowing that Hollywood likes to repeat its successes to the point of bleeding them dry, we can expect a forthcoming glut of historical bio-pictures about famous leaders overcoming minor handicaps. So, for the benefit of those in Hollywood, I’ve prepped the list of movie ideas that follows. Attention, Tinseltown: Here is your award-winning ticket to box office gold.
• A lisping Thomas Jefferson learns how to properly pronounce the letter “S” through the physical, hands-on training provided by one of his female slaves.
• A young Richard the Second is taunted by schoolyard bullies for his protruding hunchback. By dedicating himself to his music—and with the assistance of an ingenious tailor—“Hunchy” is able to disguise his deformity and go on to be Champion Violinist of the South of France.
• A frail, young Adolf Hitler suffers from an undiagnosed, unique variant of Tourette syndrome. Through the tutelage of an aged Jew that lives around the corner, “Dolfy” turns this drawback into a trademark style of public speaking.
• The Queen of England suffers from a humiliating case of halitosis, alienating subjects and corgis alike. She meets a rough-mannered Kiwi by the name of Minty, who alters not just the Queen’s janky-breathed plight, but the entire course of the British Empire for years to come.
• A young Barbara Walters begins a torrid affair with a fledgling journalist by the name of Rory Roderick. After she catches him in bed with her roommate Renée, she steadfastly refuses to properly say the letter “R” for the rest of her days.
